Wednesday, July 01, 2009

The Girls are After Me

A number of my 12-13 year old female students have crushes on me. The question becomes: Why? Why am I so appealing to girls of that and only that age?

After doing some soul searching, I came up with an answer. I have a lot more going on than your average 12 or 13 year old boy. I have a car. I have my own place. I have a job. I can grow facial hair. I have more confidence. I dress better. I floss regularly. I take showers. I'm more worldly. I'm stronger. I understand how prophetic the show Cheap Seats was- particularly their episode on the 1996 U.S. Poker Championships in which they made both a Farrah Faucett and a Michael Jackson referrence in the same show 4 years before they both died. I have the emotional capacity to despise Jeff Goldblum and, even though Jeff Goldblum was on the Colbert Report three times recently, still hold no animosity towards Stephen Colbert. And I have the ability to throw behind-the-back passes through people's legs, but more on that later.

When you're 12 or 13, you want as many 12 or 13 year old girls after you as is possible. When you're 27, it's unbelievably uncomfortable.

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