Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Killing Flies

Everyone knows that I've been on an anti-Obama campaign ever since he became president because I didn't know to handle being on the winning side of something for once. Now, he's killed a fly in the Oval Office. PETA has condemned his act of murder.

The only thing that I can say about this act is that it was cool as shit. He just zeroed in and then WHAM! nailed that fucking fly dead in its tracks. Even us Obama-haters can't fault him for that one. This man really can bring people together. 99.99% of Americans agree, that was fucking awesome.

That brings me to PETA. They hurt their cause with crazy shit like this. I'm all for treating animals ethically, but there are limits. Goat anuses should be protected from horny farmers, but Mr. Miyagi shouldn't be persecuted for chopsticking flies. And can you really treat animals ethically if you won't do the same for the words in your own organization- "for," "the," and "of" demand the same respect as any other word in their name.

There should be a new organization PETA-WIR (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals- WithIn Reason). Speaking of flies, I've got ideas for a few more new organizations. Here's one: PAGOC (People Against Goldblum On Colbert). Another: IWGAD (I Wish Goldblum Actually Died). One final: PTJGLA (People for the Treatment of Jeff Goldblum Like an Animal).

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