Beat It

While I was running (without listening to music, that's cheating) in the Roland Park area, I heard someone screeching semi-rhythmically. As I became closer, I realized that person was attempting to sing Michael Jackson's Beat It.

I could say that this person's singing was like the sound a goat makes when it's being castrated, assuming that the goat was off beat, but that wouldn't do justice to the degree of horrendousness of the "singing." Beat It isn't even a tough song to at least get the rhythm down.

If that person happens to read this, all I want to say to you is: Please let the dead rest in peace. Michael Jackson went through enough during his life, between his father's abuse, dealing with his sexuality, and being the laughingstock of a generation, but I'm sure your singing was worse than all of it. Michael Jackson is somewhere feeling like shit for popularizing that song because of your singing. "If I never sang Beat It, no one would have ever had to listen to this idiot's version and the world would have been a better place," his spirit is thinking.

At the very least, Michael Jackson slept with other people's children, which is wrong. But not even he deserved to have his music defecated on like you did earlier today. Your singing not only made Michael Jackson turn over in his grave, but it ruined my life. I'll never be the same after discovering that those sounds exist in this world. You've crossed the thin line between life and death in offending people with your miserable singing. Why would you even try to sing? Do you despise humanity that much? There was just so much hate in each off key "note," Hitler would have been proud.