I have dabbled with the concept of becoming the unchallenged ruler of a country before on this blog (and in my head). Pretend, if you will, that I am the leader of a country in which you are a citizen. From time to time, like a good egotistical autocrat should, I will announce decrees based on my particular mood. Stay tuned and enjoy.
Today's decrees
If you're anything like me, no pretty girls like you. And if you're not like me, then no pretty girls like you either because that is now banned. For the sake of fairness and equality, pretty girls are not allowed to like anybody. (I guess that's not really fair to pretty girls, but hey, this is a patriarchal society, don't blame me.)
(If you know me, you could have predicted this one.) College basketball players may (hereby) only declare for the NBA draft early if they obtain permission from me. This will be known as the Scotty Thurman Law.
Marx said that religion is the opium of the masses (and since this is the Marxist phase of my rule) to hammer home that point, all places of worship are required to provide their followers with free heroin and poppy seed bagels. However (because I'm still not sold on this whole Marxist thing), all places of worship are allowed to charge their followers for a shmeer of cream cheese and lox.
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