Barack's Bravado

Before the big election, a reporter interviewed Barack Obama.
Reporter: I just saw John McCain...
Obama: Ain't he ugly? He's too ugly to be president. The president should be pretty like me. He is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.

Reporter: What are your thoughts on potentially being the first black president?
Obama: I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want. I am America. I am the part you won't recognize. But get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me.

Reporter: What if McCain beats you?
Obama: If he even dreams of beating me he'd better wake up and apologize.

Reporter: Do you have any predictions on your electoral output for Tuesday?
Obama: If McCain wants to go to heaven, I'll get three-sixty seven. If he thinks he's great, I will get three-six eight. I know one thing, he messed with me, so I'll get at least two-seventy.

After the results of the election were apparent, Barack Obama became jubilant in his hotel room. He began screaming gleefully.
Obama: I'm the President of the United States! I'm the greatest thing that ever lived. I must be the greatest! I am the king of the world! I'm pretty. I'm a bad man! I shook up the world! I shook up the world!