My Interview with Sarah Palin

Me: Welcome Governor.
Palin: I'm ready.
Me: That's good to know. Let me first ask you about your qualifications to be vice president. You've been the Governor of Alaska for less than two years. Before that, you were a small town mayor...
Palin: Being the mayor of a small town is kind of like being a community organizer, except you have real responsibility.
Me: Um, ok. A shot at Barack Obama and community organizers I see. But in that comparison, I believe your role as a small town mayor is aligned with Obama's eight-year tenure as a state senator. Regardless, let's turn to some of the issues. Voters might be concerned that you are the only candidate who does not possess foreign policy experience.
Palin: I do. Alaska is close to Russia. You can see Russia from Alaska.
Me: Well that's a new interpretation of the term foreign policy experience. Have you ever met a world leader, say, for example, Vladimir Putin, the prime minister of Russia?
Palin: In what regard?
Me: In what regard? Never mind, let's move on. If elected, what would be your main objective in the war on terror?
Palin: I'm sending my son to Iraq to fight the people who attacked us.
Me: Whoa, sorry, I thought I was magically teleported back to 2002. I'm back now. Ok, let's try this from a different angle. Do you agree with the Bush Doctrine?
Palin: ... ... ... ...
Me: Excuse me, Governor Palin? Your take on the Bush Doctrine?
Palin: Do you know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?
Me: I'm not sure that's releva...
Palin: The lipstick! Hahahahahahahahaha!
Me: Alright Mel Brooks, let's turn to some domestic issues. Your pregnant daughter is underage and unwed; that doesn’t seem to mesh with your Christian conservative beliefs?
Palin: That is a private choice made by my daughter and my family. I would appreciate if we refrained from discussing that matter.
Me: Ok. But aren't you against the right to choose to have an abortion? By definition that position is advocating government interference into the lives of women everywhere.
Palin: Uh, um. Alaska is close to Russia. My son's going to Iraq. Um. Do you want to hear that lipstick joke again?
Me: No thank you, I'll pass. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to talk to me today, Governor Palin.
Palin: The U.S. shouldn't second guess Israel.
Me: Fine, whatever. We're done now. Just go away please.