Noam Chomsky's Atrocity Rankings

1. War in Iraq - Sure tens of thousands of Iraqis have died as a direct result of the war. And I guess 4,000 U.S. troops have died as well, but under international law, they are terrorists, so it doesn't count. What people fail to realize is that millions of people died last year and that must be attributed to the U.S. war in Iraq. These people probably watched a news report about the war and died over the horror.

2. U.S. attack on Nicaragua - The U.S. is the only terrorist state in the world and this is a perfect example. Others include the U.S. reluctant support of Turkey's attacks against Kurds and U.S. aid given to Israel which in turn oppresses the Palestinians. (Mr. Chomsky, your reasons explicitly contradict your initial assertion...) What?! I'm Noam Chomsky dammit! Don't question me!

3. George W. Bush has diarrhea - This led to the violence in Kenya following their election. It's well-documented elsewhere, I won't go into it now.

4. The Portland Trail Blazers pick Sam Bowie 2nd in the 1984 NBA draft [Michael Jordan was picked 3rd] - This directly led to the starvation of tens of millions of people in China a couple of decades before this draft took place. There are many mainstream sources to prove this. (Mr. Chomsky, a respected scholar generally presents those sources and doesn't simply acknowledge their existence) That's ridiculous. Actually citing sources would take work and intellectual honesty. Not my deal.

5. George Bush throwing up on the Japanese prime minister - My calculations show that 45 million people died as an indirect result. If you care about human rights at all, you will agree with me on this.

6. U.S. war in Cambodia - The U.S. war in Cambodia was a secret war. That's only one example of U.S. secret wars, which means there have been many more. (Well, that's the start of an important point Mr. Chomsky, but your logic is quickly derailed. Maybe you shouldn't sully your point with silly conclusions like that) Who is this kid? Do you know who I am? I'm fucking Noam fucking Chom-fucking-sky! I'm a genius.

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487. The attack of September 11, 2001 - These attacks were horrible. I condemn them. But I can see bin Laden's point that "the death of imperialist pigs can be erotic."

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100,463. The Holocaust - I probably lost some family in the Holocaust, but Israel's occupation of stolen land lessens its impact for me. Plus, is a Jew really human? C'mon.

note: I'm sure Mr. Chomsky has said these words, but maybe not in this order or relating to these topics.