When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for two people to dissolve the marital bands which have connected them with each other, and to assume among the Powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
- You are a douchebag.
- You are fat and ugly.
- You never listen to me.
- You always snicker when I talk about my mother.
- You never put the toilet seat down.
- You hog all of the hot water in the shower.
- Your "John Hancock" hasn't worked for years.
- You check out other women when we're in public.
- You hide a big stash of porn in the underwear drawer.
- You never cut your toe nails.
- You have excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and have endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
Sincerely,
Your future ex-wife
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