Evil Leaders League, Week 2

The offical site of the ELL is here. Here are the results from the week in the ELL:

Chavez vs Kim
Hugo Chavez, the top hombe in Venezuela, has called for a military alliance among countries in the Western Hemisphere against the United States. You cheeky bastard! That's just not right. What did we ever do to you? ... Oh, right. Kim Jong-Il of North Korea is in a fantasy bocce ball league with other leaders of the world. The commissioner of the fantasy league is Syrian foreign minister Walid Moallem. Moallem writes a week in review to inform the participants about the league's happenings. Well, Moallem made a raunchy joke about the death of Indonesia's former dictator Suharto. Kim was great friends with Suharto and flipped out over the joke. He left Moallem an angry, cuss-filled, threatening, and homophobic message on his cell phone. He also texted a nonsensical slew of slurs. The league overwhelming felt that Kim had crossed the line and probably needs psychological help.
winner: Chavez

al-Bashir vs Putin
Sudan has a leader named Omar al-Bashir. Mr. al-Bashir traveled to Tripoli in order to try and quell border tensions between Sudan and Chad. The meeting was a total failure as al-Bashir called Chadien president Idriss Deby "a pussy." He continued, "Idriss Deby is a loser and his country's name is stupid. Remember in the 2000 U.S. election they had a dispute about hanging chad. I thought it was a good idea. I can keep going. Idriss Deby has two girl names. He eats raw goat balls."

Vladimir Putin is the current president of Russia. With the Russian election on the horizon, Putin has barred his intended successor's rival, Mikhail Kasyanov, from running for president. Kasyanov has dreamed of leading Russia since he was a boy. Those dreams are dashed now. His wish to receive a blowjob from a young intern while he sits at his desk has been dismantled and cruelly put to death by Putin. It's better than what Putin usually does, put his rivals to death, not just their dreams of fellatio. But Putin has a long way to go to catch up to al-Bashir.
winner: al-Bashir

Hu vs Musharraf
Hu Jintao is the head chef at the restaurant known as China. He has been visiting other restaurants to forge ties, presumably to eradicate the world of hot dogs and hamburgers. In the words of John Stewart's 90-year old grandfather, "The Chinese are a sneaky people." Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan doesn't have a friend in the world. He has shot down a U.S. proposal to expand the war on terror in Pakistan. Al Qaeda hates him. The U.S. is pissed at him. The moderates in Pakistan think he's a schmuck. There is only one person less liked in the world than Musharraf. Me.
winner: Musharraf

Ahmadinejad vs Mugabe
Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a lot like Bigfoot. His power lies in the irrational fear he creates. Except Ahmadinejad is quite short, so maybe we'll call him Littlefoot. He's headed to Iraq soon (at the request of the Iraqi government), which really pisses off the U.S. for some reason. Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has done enough evilness to force his opposition, the MDC, to consider boycotting the upcoming election. An opposition boycott to an election is the evil leader's version of an orgasm. And in the aftermath, there's a lot of shame and regret.
winner: Ahmadinejad

standings:
al-Bash 2-0
Chavez 2-0
Mushar 2-0
Kim J-I 1-1
Ahmad 1-1
Putin 0-2
Mugabe 0-2
Hu Jin 0-2