Monday, August 27, 2007

Evil Leaders League, Semis 1st Leg

This is the semifinals of the Evil Leaders League's second season. The playoffs will consist of two legs in this round, best aggregate score wins. The finals is a best of 3 series, but we'll worry about that when we get there. First we have the task of determining who is the evil leader to be relegated. Islam Karimov and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tied for 5th, so the winner of a one matchup tie-breaker will stay in the ELL for Season 3 and the loser will not return for next season.

Karimov vs Ahmadinejad
Uzbekistan's President Islam Karimov doesn't want leave the ELL just as quickly as he came in. He's trying to avoid a one and done affair. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from Iran made the playoffs last season and would like another attempt to do the same next season.

This matchup boils down to a simple formula. Karimov is a power-hungry man, who is planning on staying in power even though Uzbekistan is supposed to have a presidential election this year. He also boils people. Not personally, I'm sure he has one of his minions actually do the boiling. Ahmadinejad was democratically elected and must answer to his campaign promises. He throws out the occasional nuclear threat (not even a bomb, just an energy program) and the western world shits themselves. Sometimes words are more powerful than boiling people. I guess. That's pretty stupid actually, but I don't run the world... yet. Avenging his regular season loss and staying in the league...
winner: Ahmadinejad

Now for the semifinals. Here are the results from the 1st leg:

al-Bashir vs Kim
This is the rematch of last year's final, where Sudan's Omar al-Bashir swept through North Korea's Kim Jong-Il, 2-0. They've split their 2 regular season matchups. The Boston Globe reports that Sudan has actually blossomed in the face of US-imposed sanctions. I'm not sure how they reached that conclusion with a genocide continuing. Maybe the few people still alive can enjoy more of what's left. Omar al-Bashir constantly amazes me. Not only is he an economic god, but "triple 20" as he's known in the dart-throwing world just won his 18th consecutive Sudanese National Dart-throwing championship. That beats Jafar Numayri's run of 16 years in a row.

The summit between Kim Jong-Il and South Korea's Roh Moo-Hyun is scheduled for October 2-4 in Pyongyang. It would be the second meeting between the two countries since they were divided. I'm glad they're moving towards peace, but it's not very evil. North Korea was hit with heavy rain in recent weeks, leading to flooding. Kim Jong-Il was nowhere to be seen, drawing criticism from some. That's mean, but not evil. He also contracted gonorrhea. Not a good week for Kim.
winner: al-Bashir by 25

Putin vs Chavez
Vladimir Putin, the leader of Russia, lost to Venezuela's Hugo Chavez in the regular season. Now he's building up his military. Putin is also reportedly very sexy. His body is more ripped than my $200 pair of jeans (I don't own a garment worth anywhere near that much). I want to run my tongue up and down the peaks and valleys of his chiseled stomach. Umm, wait, never mind. Awkward. Hugo Chavez bought 5,000 Russian rifles on ebay and totally jacked the studly Putin. Chavez changed Venezuela's time zone. His country donates more money to Latin America than the US. He's getting the military force, the popular support, and now a head start in his future war with the US (if we attack first). He's becoming a very dangerous person. Soon he's gonna be able to eat lighting and crap thunder.
winner: Chavez by 3

No comments: