Shits and Screams

"Come back 3pm," said a tall slender gentleman working behind the desk of Hotel Bombay Tiffany in Mysore. When I came back at 3pm, I was told to come back at 6pm for my room. I figured it was fine, after all, the hotel had 24 hour checkout. I came back at 6pm and was told that it may take another hour and then another hour to clean the room.

I checked in to my very overpriced room at 7:30pm. It didn't register at the time, but I was told checkout was at noon. I spent that night very sick, as I had been all day. I was shitting like crazy and throwing up. The blanket was extremely uncomfortable. I finally decided to ask the front desk for a clean sheet to use as a blanket. Upon leaving my room and locking the door, I broke the knob. "Fuck!" I managed to fix it good as new.

I was given a sheet and the man at the front desk tried to get me to stay another night. Something went off and I got very upset, telling him everything wrong with the room and how this was the worst hotel for the money that I've stayed in India. During my rant I decided to show a little tact, "I know it's not your fault that the room is bad, you just work here. But I was promised the room at 3pm and didn't get it until 7:30pm." The man seemed shocked, "But I wrote a note saying 'Mr. David 3pm." I answered, "Right, it was you who took my reservation." Eventually I told him that it wasn't his fault and he did everything right. He told me that he would try to get me some money back. When I got back the room I realized I was wearing a "beater." I know that in India, I am actually considered very buff. I'm about twice as broad in the shoulders and hips as most Indian men (yes, little ole me!).

At night I wrote out exactly what I felt was fair, very specifically. In the morning, before it was time to check out, I threw up again. I was still very sick. I put on a t-shirt and rolled up my sleeves to show off my "guns" for an added boost to my cause. I told the same man about the situation and went through exactly what I felt I was due. Eventually the manager was brought out. I was polite at first. He looked at my sheet of demands and very firmly yelled, "No!" I had prepared all night for what I was going to say. My voice rose. So did his. Eventually it turned into a battle of volume and manhood. With my rolled up sleeves, I screamed at the top of my lungs. Anyone who has ever been to a basketball game with me, knows that's louder than most. I waved my "massive guns" and pounded the desk. The manager realized I wasn't going to relent, what I was asking for was just, he had been caught in a lie, and my screaming was bad for business so I got exactly what I asked for. WHen I left the hotel, everyone for a block was laughing as I passed. They had heard me.

I always evaluate my actions after any confrontation. It was 95%-5% I felt good about it. The 5% was because I don't like yelling at elders. Of course every little short man knows how to be assertive, but it helps even more when he's not little in that particular situation. I felt a little better after both shouting episodes. Now I know why Jewish women live forever.

In the new hotel, I was being played a bit again. Two women worked behind the desk and tried to stick me in a more expensive room than I wanted. I managed to drag myself to the internet cafe and I happened to read my hororscope on my homepage, somthing I never do. The exact words are gone, but it was to the effect of, "There isn't just one way to solve every problem. You need to find different solutions for different circumstances." So I wasn't going to repeat my yelling match with the women. Instead, I "acted" very sick. In reality, there was no acting about it, I could hardly stand up. I had to take that same room but at a drastically cut price, because I was able to win sympathy for myself.

I spent the entire day feeling like real shit. An Australian guy that I met here, he's spent the last five years in Utah, knocked on my door at 6 for dinner. I forced myself to go. Talking to him and eating some chicken noodle soup made me feel much better. Another miracle. Then we saw the beautiful Maharaja Palace all lit up. It was amazing.