Tony Snow's Cancer Press Conference

press secretary: Hello everyone. I'm the press secretary for Tony Snow's cancer. I'll take some questions now.
reporter: What is the goal?
press secretary: The goal is victory. Next.
another reporter: What does victory mean in this situation?
press secretary: When I say victory, I'm talking about getting the job done. We won't quit until we get the job done. Next. You.
another reporter: What is Tony Snow's prognosis?
press secretary: I'd refer you to his doctor.
another reporter: Word is that it is colon cancer. Can you confirm that?
press secretary: I don't want to give away the location of the cancer, it would embolden our enemies. Next.
another reporter: Has the cancer spread to his liver?
press secretary: Again, I will not reveal the location of the cancer. But I can assure you that I have no knowledge of whether his cancer has spread to inside his liver.
yet another reporter: Why won't you reveal the location of Tony Snow's cancer?
press secretary: We need to let the cancer do its job. That job is achieving its goal of victory. We don't want to let our enemies know where the cancer is.
another reporter: What enemies are you speaking of?
press secretary: Where have you been since the last attack? The enemies that wish to do Tony Snow's cancer harm. Who's next? You.
another reporter: Tony Snow has been accused of misleading the press and the American public with some of his statements. What is your response to this charge?
press secretary: I'd refer you to Tony Snow. I serve at the pleasure of Tony Snow's cancer and that is who I answer to.
another reporter: Will Tony Snow receive chemotherapy?
press secretary: We've heard the threats. If it comes to that, Tony Snow's cancer will respond with appropriate actions. Let me make this clear, you can all write it down for your little columns, Tony Snow's cancer will not be intimidated! Tony Snow's cancer intends to win the heart and mind. It will not stop until the job is done. One more. You.
another reporter: Is there any chance that Tony Snow will defeat the disease?
press secretary: Tony Snow's cancer is not a disease. It's a series of opportunity cells. I don't believe that these opportunity cells will face defeat. Do you? Are you siding with the enemy? Does your rag, The New England Journal of Medicine, know about your sympathies for the enemy? Haha. No, the fact of the matter is that this cancer is the best thing that ever happened to Tony Snow. Especially if the opportunity cells give him the opportunity to enter the next life. Haha. Alright, we're done here.