The J-Board (Jew-Board) rights the wrongs that our people have committed, one Jew at a time. The members of the J-Board are (Chairman) Moses, Maimonides, Elie Wiesel, and myself (fuck you, it's my fantasy!). This week, the J-Board's special guest is current Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader-Ginsburg.
The meeting-
Moses: First, I'd like to welcome our guest panelist today, Ruth Bader-Ginsburg.
Ruth Bader-Ginsburg: Thank you Moses. It's a pleasure to be here, playing my part in bringing those Jews that have tarnished our image to justice.
Moses: Before us today is Rabbi David Horowitz, He is charged with... wait, who the fuck is David Horowitz? Is that the Son of Sam killer?
Maimonides: No, that's David Berkowitz. David Horowitz is a neo-conservative pundit who has called for the Jews to stop persecuting Christians.
Moses: What the fuck are Christians?
Maimonides: Those are the people that have been persecuting us for the last 2,000 years, give or take a few.
Moses: Ah, yeah, ok. So, what is this Horowitz being tried for?
Maimonides: I'm not really sure. He did call the Passion of the Christ "a great movie," instead of denouncing it as the anti-Semitic garble that it is. He defended Ann Coulter's comments when she insulted some widows, whose husbands were killed during the attacks of September 11, 2001. That's not so bad until you realize that she insulted their husbands' deaths! Plus, he's Sean Hannity's token Jew, if you don't count Alan Colmes, and I don't.
Elie Wiesel: Alan Colmes?! Talk about a lamb being led to the slaughter! That schmuck needs to gain some chutzpah and stand up to that bully Hannity.
Moses: Yeah, I still don't know who David Horowitz is and I don't really give two shits about him. He's guilty of whatever. [standing up] You write it up together Maimonides and Ruth Bader-Ginsburg. Case closed. [turns and begins to walk out]
David Horowitz [yelling]: What? That's a travesty of justice! You can't just charge me with whatever you like. [whimpering] I'm a good Jew. I'm a good Jew.
Moses [turns back, yelling]: Hey, tukhis face, shut the fuck up. You can't talk me like that, I'm Moses, you horse-shtuper.
David (me): Hahahahaha, horse-shtuper! Good one Moses.
Moses: Thanks.
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