I have shit in my pants too many times for an adult (always spray farts, but still). I predicted a John Kerry presidential win. I've yelled at my mother too often. I made jokes about St. Louis Cardinal pitcher Darryl Kile the day he died (he died in his hotel room and I'm just thinking about the impact that would have on the hotel staff. [Repeated knocks on the door] "Housekeeping, housekeeping," the hotel worker cries in a Hispanic accent. "Hey, open the fucking door, housekeeping. You better be dead!"). I referred to a Holocaust survivor as a "schmuck" (though I was playing the part of his wife at the time). I told an attractive young woman that her "face makes me throw up" (oops). Let's just say, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.
None bigger, however, than my most recent guarantee. Just scroll down two posts (although you really should read my account of the Marlins-Phillies game Saturday night), and there it is.
Read it? Back now? Ok. So what happened was the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the San Francisco 49ers 42-3. Let me repeat that. So what happened was the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the San Francisco 49ers 42-3. I was 26 points away from tying the spread!
I admit it. I was dead wrong. There's nothing I can do about it now except give my condolences to the Kile family and tell that young woman that she is very attractive and I only said that because I'm an idiot. Hell, I guaranteed that the 49ers would cover against the Eagles.
Oh yeah, sorry ma.