Message to My Fellow Protestors

After attending a few peace protests, I have seen a number of things that should be changed, eradicated, or added to improve the effectiveness of the protest and in expressing the cause. Here is the list:

• Let's stick to the issue. If the march is about protesting the Iraq war, let's leave freeing Palestine, however noble, out of it. Freeing Palestine and stopping the Iraq war have about as much in common as Saddam Hussein and the attacks on September 11. Sure there is a superficial link, but perhaps the oppression of Palestinians deserves its own protest. Listen, I'm all for gay Nevadans marrying, but unless the wedding is going to be in Tikrit, that's a separate issue.
• Correct spelling on your signs please.
• Let's try to formulate a complete sentence. "Bush Oppressor Iraq Bad" is not exactly the most articulate cry for peace that there has ever been. That's almost as bad as if the president were to say, "There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee, that says, 'fool me once... shame on... shame on you... eh, fool me, can't get fooled again.'"
• Che Guevera? Is this an anti-imperialism protest or a peace protest? If it's a peace protest, Che's gonna have to sit this one out.
• Please comb down your spiked-up hair. I can't see the fucking stage!
• All protestors must shower.
• George Bush is not Hitler. Hitler had one ball and George Bush has none! Ha! Sorry, that made no sense. (Another criticism that I have). But can we get some historical perspective here?
• No freaks!
• Stop handing out crazy papers that claim that the Kennedy assassination had something to do with September 11.
• I know these organizations need donations, but it'd be cheaper to take a date to a fancy restaurant and then snort coke off of her belly in an expensive hotel room using $100 bills to wipe your ass. I've never done it.
• Just because you're exerting your natural right to protest for the sake of peace, you don't have to be gross about it. Use a tissue when you sneeze. If you feel guilty about it, plant a tree.
• Be informed about the issues facing the world today. Use that knowledge.