The heroic London police department chased down a suspected suicide bomber through a crowded subway station and shot him dead, injuring no innocent bystanders. Or so they would have you think.
Instead, the police shot a South American man of indeterminable religious persuasion because he apparently left the wrong house at the wrong time. The state-sponsored murder has rattled the Muslim residents of London. The old adage, "if your brown, leave town," maybe become an unfortunate reality if they keep shooting people for inconsequential occurrences such as ordering the wrong type of chicken-yogurt combination.
Samir Fatimid, a fictional Pakistani immigrant who hands out fliers that nobody wants, said that this episode concerned him greatly. "The police shoot people simply because of their appearance," Fatimid said in an accent that led us to believe he thought he was cool, "they are unconcerned with a person's guilt or innocence. They are unconcerned with justice." Fatimid was evidently unconcerned that we didn't want his fucking flier. We stiffened our hands as if we were crippled and let the sheets of paper fall to the ground.
Abdullah Muhammad Shaikh Etc. was delighted by the news. He runs the local London Al-Queda chapter called Al-Loco Fantatico Mahkmud, which translates in English to "The Fanatical Crazies and We Know It". Abdullah explained, "If the British police shoot any ole' Muslim regardless of their affiliation to the Jihad, then we can continue to fuck around like we do." He continued, "We hope that the British police keep shooting innocent people because it allows us to proceed in our terrorist activities undeterred. Wait, I didn't mean terrorist…"
The British police are famous for not carrying guns and now we can see why. They mistook a South American for a Pakistani, and not just any Pakistani, but four specific Pakistanis. That's not even close. You're only about half-a-world off. Give the guns back, put on your stupid-looking hats, and solve something jerks.
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