We woke up Saturday morning to General Dipshit's orders. Then we had a fansy Chinese breakfast (see a pattern?). We pulled up to this school and we saw a banner, professioally made that read "Welcome to Our School Mr. David and Mr. Sherkhan." I was like holy shit!
There was another tv camera, only one though. They told us that we'd be on the local news because of our visit to the last school yesterday. In fact, the interpreter said that our visit "put his school on the map." So one camera is no big deal for us (ha!). We were greeted by two students who gave us flowers. The flowers would become a burden.
Next, we were separated again. I was taken to a meeting room where I answered questions about the differences between Chinese and American students. Even the teachers doubled up on some questions. I was asked what students do during their free time maybe 8 or 9 times.
From there we went down to the school's little park to "have a rest." It started out innocent enough. Some students asked me some questions after taking some photos. They were very curious as I am the first foreigner that they've ever met. I answered their questions, many were repeated, in good spirits. Then it happened.
One kid asked me to sign my name on his paper. So I wrote out "David" just as I had on Friday. Then another kid asked. Then another. By this time, there was a steady stream of autograph seekers handing me their notebook, a scrap of paper, their arm, or their shirts. At this point I was still able to answer the steady fire of simple questions spouted my direction.
Then more and more paper was flung at me. It got to the point where I couldn't even finish writing my name on any single piece of paper. I was getting pushed, shoved, and smacked in the head with notebooks from desparate autograph seekers. Did I mention that I live with my mom and sleep with my "Mommy Pillow" that I've had since I was 2, like Linus has his blanket, ladies?
I couldn't even look up or write anymore because of the density of the papers in front of my face. By now, my flowers had been trampled on. I would not see them again. I decided to get up and move away from the mob of admirers. What a great day in Jewish history, a day when a short, nothing Jewish man must flee from an adoring mob of Chinese teenagers! During my bolt toward freedom I was grabbed by several students who jumped on me. I dragged them a bit until I ran into a one-tile-tall fence that circled off a dirt patch that will later house flowers or something. My foot got caught and I fell to the ground on the dirt patch. A school official grabbed me and escorted me through the mob. I signed autographs along the way.
Then I sat in the gazebo and signed some more until I was mobbed again. The school offical then took my pen. I answered questions for some more time.
Next, I did another run around several classes answering questions. One class didn't believe that I could hoop, because I'm short, so I challenged them. They gave me a ball and I shot some of the most nerve-wracking shots of my life in front of hundreds of students. Luckily, I made a good number of them to roaring applause. Then they got a fat kid to challenge me and I mopped the floor with him. But I was a little tired, and when an awkward athletic dude stepped up to challenge me, I knew I was done. He salvaged some of the fat kids' failure.
That was pretty much the end of our two days of celebrity. We really felt like we shit like money. On the ride back, I was able to fall asleep for a bit. I was awoken by Sherkhan, who was leaning over me, reapeating "Oh my God!" Drousy, I peaked outside the window of the "Magoo-mobile." There was an old dude who had fallen off of his moped. There was blood spewing from his head. He had died.
Later, we walked around until we found a McDonald's. Outside of the McDonald's we ran into another crowd surrounding the 2 foot tall guy. We gave him 2 yuan for a picture with him, but he got upset. Apparently he wanted more. When he saw the camera, he tried to turn away, but Sherkhan took the picture in time. Then I found myself arguing with a this Chinese midget and the crowd around him. Of course I was speaking in English and they were speaking in Chinese. Of the entire two days, I think the argument with the Chinese midget over what amounts to $1 was the most bizarre.
Thankfully, General Dipshit will be away for 5 days.
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