Nats' Home Opener

The Washington Nats home schedule began on April 14th. The evening started with George Bush missing high on his first pitch. This is simply speculation, but the adrenaline was probably pumping through his veins causing him to overthrow the ball. Most would guess that this adrenaline came from the fact that Washington hosted its first Major League Baseball home game in 34 years, but actually Mr. Bush was hopped up on the cocaine.

The Washington Nats played their first home game Thursday night. It was the best thing that's happened to RFK since before he got shot.


Livan Hernandez pitched beautifully, taking a one-hit shutout into the 9th. When he gave up a three run homer with one out, Arizona cut the lead to 5-3. Chad Cordero came in to close the ordeal.

Vinny Castilla was the show. He hit a homerun, somehow legged out a triple, and garnered a double. The stage was set for him to go for a single and the Nats second cycle of the season. It was the bottom of the 8th inning when the douchebag Diamondbacks' (nicknamed the Horriblenamers) relief pitcher plunked Castilla stripping him from his chance to hit for the cycle. The crowd appropriately booed the pitcher. The next half inning, the home plate umpire called an obvious foul tip a ball. A foul tip is generally called a strike unless there are two strikes against the batter already, in which case it is nothing. Read your rule book ump!

B-dub (Brad Wilkerson) is better than advertised, except when that advertisement is his Chevy Chase bank commercial. Ryan the Church the Tabernacle has filled the void in the outfield left by Endy Chavez's futility. Luckily no sign of Antonio O-tuna (because he stinks!) and Joe Horgan the Horrible (because, you guessed it, he's horrible).

I enjoy the commentary of "Mistake-prone" Mel Procter and Ron Darling's expert analysis, but I do need to correct Mel of one comment. The bullpen has 4 of the team's 6 wins (in 10 games). Mr. Procter stated that the bullpen was thus doing a good job. In actuality, the bullpen has been the Achilles' heel of the club (look at nicknames above). The reason they have 4 wins is because they've blown it for the starter and then Jose Guillen or his brother-if-we-were-in-China Jose Vidro saves them with a clutch hit. Also everybody's favorite catcher Brian Schneider, very clutch.