Mike Tyson: In His Own Words (according to his lawyer)

Publisher's note- I felt compelled to publish this clarification of Mr. Mike Tyson's words submitted by his lawyer on the advice of my own crack legal team. This is yet another example of why crack is wack and I need a new legal team.

The Abyss of Absurdity

(Editor's note- I got nothing)

I, Michael Gerard Tyson, have been blessed to be given the opportunity by God to entertain the good people of the United States of America with my boxing expertise. My life has seen numerous challenges, which I have not always handled with grace. However, any mistakes that I have made in the past were not due to ill intentions. Instead, I periodically let my emotions get the best of me and I apologize for any harm that I have caused anyone. In the future, I vow to treat others with the respect that they deserve.

Michael G. Tyson