Dalai Lama's Successor

Hundreds of women line outside the Dalai Lama's complex in Dharmsala, India in hopes of succeeding the Buddhist holy man. These women dream of changing the world and bringing peace. They hope to inspire future generations of little girls for centuries to come. But it won't be easy. The 84 year old Tibetan leader recently declared, "If a female Dalai Lama comes, she should be more attractive."

The first woman enters. "Big, fat pig!" His Holiness bellows and shoos her away.
The next woman walks through the doors. "She's certainly not hot. Next!"
Another woman enters. "Horseface."
The Dalai Lama waves another woman forward. "Such a nasty woman," and gestures her away.
"Bimbo," is how the next woman is assessed.

The fourteenth incarnation of the Avalokiteśvara checks out another potential fifteenth incarnation and hollers, "Does she have a good body? No. Does she have a fat ass? Absolutely." He dismisses her and calls for the next woman. "We're all a little chubby but she's just worse than most of us," he says of her.

After another woman shuffles through the complex, the Dalai Lama turns to an aide and says, "You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever."
As he finishes his criticism, another woman walks in and is quickly kicked out. "She was bleeding badly from a face-lift," says the exiled freedom fighter to his aide.

The parade of women continues throughout the day, but all are rejected based on their physical appearance. A reporter walks in after the audition is complete and asks the method in which the Dalai Lama will select his replacement.

"Grab 'em by the pussy," he says, "then I move on her like a bitch."