Sunday, July 09, 2017

The First Ever Tiny House Hunters

Here is the transcript for the first ever Tiny House Hunters in 1978.

Ted, a former university professor, is looking for a lifestyle change. He wants to downsize and live a simpler life. On his wishlist is a tiny house with under 200 square feet deep in the woods. Can he find his dream tiny house on his $3,000 budget?

Ted: I'm looking for something rustic out in the middle of nowhere, so I can get away from it all and tackle some projects.

Ted's agent, Julie, is taking Ted to the first tiny house. But it may not have the rustic feel Ted is looking for and it may have too many appliances for Ted's liking.

Julie: It's 367 square feet and costs $12,000.
Ted: Oh, that's a lot of money! And I don't know what I'd do with all that space.
Julie: Let's take a look inside before you make up your mind, Ted.

Inside the house, Ted sure has some strong opinions.

Julie: Here we see a farmhouse sink atop a stainless steel dishwasher. Here's a functional mini-fridge.
Ted: Ooh, Julie, I told you I didn't want a dishwasher or refrigerator. The technological revolution has been a disaster for the human race and has led to the destruction of the planet.
Julie: Ok Ted, but just have an open mind. Now let's check out what you might call the dining room. See the table can be folded down? And up the ladder leads to a loft.
Ted: It's too modern.

Ted's agent Julie took him to see a tiny craftsman for his first option. But Ted thought the modern appliances would spell doom for the human race. Plus it was over budget and Ted didn't know what to do with all the extra space. Now Julie is showing him another option that might meet Ted's desire for a rustic feel.

Julie: Hi Ted! This log cabin is 222 square feet and is $8,000. Isn't it neat?
Ted: [Unintelligible]
Julie: The log cabin theme has been continued in the interior as well as you can see.
Ted: There doesn't seem to be room for shelves.
Julie: There are places for storage in this model though, Ted.
Ted: I'd prefer to keep my ammonium nitrate, aluminum powder, nails, tacks, and lead on shelves for easy access.
Julie: Love doing scientific projects, do we? Ok. Here's the dining/living area.
Ted: There seems to be no room for my L3 Smith-Corona portable manual typewriter.
Julie: Uh huh. Well, in your price range, it's hard to get everything you're looking for.

After two tries, Ted isn't sold on any of the two options his agent, Julie, has shown him. The first tiny house didn't satisfy his neo-Luddite worldview and the second tiny house didn't have space for what can only be described as bomb-making material or room for his typewriter, on which he will no doubt write some rambling manifesto. So Julie has a third option lined up that should be more up Ted's alley.

Julie: This is 120 square foot cabin a few miles south of Lincoln, Montana. It's not much to look at, but it's only $3,000.
Ted: On budget. I like that.
Julie: Let's take a look inside. Remember, just keep an open mind.
Ted: Oh wow! I'd put my potassium nitrate over there. My barium nitrate would go over there. I see my L3 Smith-Corona portable manual typewriter here. I would keep stamps in this drawer near the typewriter. Julie, you've hit the jackpot! I'll take it.
Julie: But... there's another segment of the show where you're supposed to say the pros and cons of each tiny house.

Yeah, and I need to recap each option in that next segment. Don't take away my air time! There's so few jobs for female voice-over announcers.

Ted: Never mind that! Here's the cash, now beat it, I've finally found my "forever house." Or until they catch me anyway.

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