Howdy, y'all! I'm thankful for many things this Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for America. I'm thankful to be governor of a great state. I'm thankful for all those jobs I'm gonna create when I'm prez-a-dint. I'm thankful there ain't a debate today. I'm thankful for that coyote I shot in the face when I was jogging a while back. I'm thankful for hair dye.
But there are three things I'm most thankful for. Without these three things, I wouldn't be me. I'm thankful for my wife. I'm thankful for Jesus. And I'm thankful for... um... uh... err... the EPA. No, not the EPA. I'm thankful for... the third thing is... shoot... can't remember. Oops. Sorry.
We don't know what Mitt Romney is thankful for. Is he the Mitt Romney who was thankful before he was before the second amendment before he was against it? Is he the Mitt Romney who was thankful before the abortion after he was against being thankful before he was abortion? I mean, which Mitt Romney is thankful? We don't know.
We know what I'm thankful for. Not that third thing though, because I still can't remember it.
Your next prez-a-dint, J. Richard "Rick" Perry