Wednesday, October 12, 2011

An Old Love is Punished

In May 2008, Yulia Tymoshenko and I had a fling, which ended badly. Now, Yulia has received a seven year jail sentence in Ukraine, a move widely seen as reversing the gains of the Orange Revolution.

Part of me is sad that Yulia, a person I once loved, is in this position. But there is another, perhaps darker, side that feels this sentence is karma for breaking my heart. I always tried to be there for her. I put myself out there for her. I saw my future in her eyes. And she couldn't accept my vulnerability. She saw what I view as my best qualities and used them against me.

She said I never listened to her. I never stood up for myself. I was too negative. These all seemed like excuses to cast me aside because being with me would force her to open herself up. She was not able to show that same vulnerability to me.

I wanted her so bad. I have come to realize that it wasn't meant to be. My life is better because we are not together. And yet, whenever I see her face, those old love pangs resurface. Her face reminds me of the perfection I saw in her. It reminds me of the happiness I envisioned being with her. Emotions that I will never experience with her. Perhaps I never could.

Now, I have a new love. The Chilean communist student leader, Camila Vallejo. That love is merely in its early stages, so I won't go into detail just yet.

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