I realized that I must find a way to have my sense of inner peace co-exist with my ambition. But they seem mutually exclusive. How can one be content and appreciative with what one has and yet still want more?
This conundrum is added to another that has plagued me for many years. I want to love and value everyone but I also want to stand up for myself. It is difficult to feel love for others when you are constantly guarded against them taking advantage of you.
Another dilemma is whether to hold onto my romantic vision love or to view love in more practical terms. What is love? Is it magic? Perhaps not. And to believe so is to hold onto a childish fantasy that will, in the end, prevent me from finding love. Perhaps love isn't even a good quality. It often leads to sadness and pain. The easiest way to get punched in the face is let one's guard down. And yet, we all seem to want to take the risk. Is that rational? Is that sane?
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