Application for the Position of Head of Al Qaeda

To Whom It May Concern,

I am interested in applying for the position of al Qaeda's chief. I believe I am eminently qualified. I have a Master's Degree from an American university. I have spent much of my professional career as a mentor to the young people. I have the ability to reach these young people and help them to achieve their goals.

Because of my experience in charge of young people, including those who misbehave, I believe I am right for this position. It is important for a leader to take the initiative and, as head of al Qaeda, I would do just that. I would look to mold the organization in my own image. To begin with, I am Jewish, so anti-Semitism will no longer be part of the al Qaeda program. I am also not a fan of killing others. Instead, under my leadership, the mission of al Qaeda would make an ever-so-slight shift towards encouraging kids to help old ladies cross the street safely. Beyond that, it would be the same organization it has always been. If it ain't broke don't fix it, I always say.

I look forward to scheduling an interview with you. I am willing to provide any additional information that you may require. I appreciate your time and your consideration of my application.

Sincerely,
Me