Monday, July 05, 2010

The Real Kobayashi Story

It is being reported that Kobayashi did not engage in yesterday's competitive hot dog eating contest at Coney Island because of a contract dispute. He attended the competition and, in the heat of the moment, rushed the stage in a bid to comp-eat. But his advances were rebuffed by the authorities. Kobayashi spent the night in jail.

The line about the contract dispute is a lie. There is a far darker reason for Kobayashi's failure to enter the eating meet. Kobayashi was injured. Because of the injury, he was unable to perform on competitive eating's biggest stage.

The day before the contest, he took a pretty girl to an Indian buffet. At the buffet, he stuffed himself silly. The worst, most embarrassing injury a competitive eater can face is being full. 18 pounds of chicken korma in 12 minutes will do the trick. The pretty girl left nauseous after Kobayashi had consumed a mere 6 pounds.

In an attempt to save face, Kobayashi made up the story about a contract disagreement. He attempted to illegally enter the contest knowing full well he wouldn't be allowed in. If he had been allowed to eat, he would have been humiliated. But there was never a chance that would happen. Instead, Kobayashi looks like a martyr, fighting against the oppression of the organized eating autocracy. In reality, he is just a very full man.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's all a conspiracy!