Monday, April 26, 2010

ELL, Season 7, Semis 1st Leg

It's playoff time! But before we get there, we've got some business to attend to. We need to determine who will return next season and who won't. Let's do that now.

Obiang vs Ahmadinejad
Both finished at 3-4 this regular season. Teodoro Obiang has initiated a new after school program called "Children Sleep Now." To celebrate, Obiang has decided to kidnap his opponents. Oh, snap, pun! Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was doing some celebrating of his own last week. In honor of his boastful claims about Iran's nuclear prowess, the nervousness he causes Israel and the U.S., and a successfully stolen election, Ahmadinejad decided to do a little manscaping. He trimmed his lush chest hair. After weighing himself, he discovered that he had lost 3 pounds! Presumably in the chest area.

Check the winner at the Evil Leaders League site.

Now on to the playoffs. The semifinals will consist of two legs, best aggregate score wins. Enjoy or be tortured.

Shwe vs al-Bashir
This is a rematch of last season's semifinals. Myanmar's Than Shwe has decided he doesn't want international observers to oversee the upcoming Burmese elections. He has his own band of child soldiers to fill that role. Plus, international observers will probably just try to fuck up his plan to steal the election. He doesn't need that drama. Omar al-Bashir of Sudan wants to do everything himself, just like Dwyane Wade. He controls his country's elections and also gets to determine who lives and who dies. Not good news for Carlos Arroyo.

Check the playoff results at the Evil Leaders League site.

Karzai vs Kim
Afghanistan's leader, Hamid Karzai, is a lot like J.R. Smith; who knows which side he's on (Sorry, I've been watching a lot of playoff basketball). He was Bush's best friend, but now has threatened to join the Taliban. That leaves the U.S. searching for another route to exert influence in Afghanistan, which is like trying to have sex with super Christian girls who want to save it for marriage. The U.S. has opted for the Afghan parliament, a.k.a. the assholes.

So, apparently, North Korea did sink that South Korean ship from last month. That's a lesson for South Korea, always go with your instinct. My instinct tells me that Kim sent out a recent press release saying that he is a "global fashion trendsetter" after the ELL reported that he had won Mr. Blackwell's Worst Dressed Dictator Since Gaddafi award in Week 5. How can a person be a "global fashion trendsetter" if they're just jacking Estelle Getty's style from 25 years ago?

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