"Real India"

I visited the extended family of a high school friend in Hardoi from Tuesday night until this morning (it's 11:30am here). Hardoi is a 2 hour train ride from Lucknow. The trip to Hardoi was bookmarked by those 2 2 hour journeys, filled with the younger son's train buddies. The younger son is in his mid-20s (but he and his firend haven't outgrown gay jokes). Both trains were jammed packed (for me, not for an Indian person), between 5-7 people for a bench that comfortably seats 3. The first trip, my cheek (and every other male's in the car) was stroked by a shemale.

To a person unfamiliar with India, you might not be able to tell Hardoi and Lucknow apart, save for the tourist-friendly businesses in Lucknow. But the father of the family assured me that Hardoi was "real India." Part of that was the all veg diet that I endured throughout my stay there. The food was actually really good, even for a person who eats 3 veggies a year like me. I spent the day with the father and the eldest son. They clearly planned their day around showing me different places, but it wasn't far from a typical day, I'd imagine. Lots of hanging around different places. They did have to repeat my relationship to the family and my situation every time they met up with somebody. I saw the school in their former home village that the father helped build. I saw the NGO that helps pregnant women in rural areas that the elder son works for. In fact, I was the guest of honor at their meeting. They took photos of the event! That also happened to me in China, although this was not nearly to the same degree of fanfare, but it always makes me battle my own humility.

I drank so much chai in that day in a half. I just kept being fed veg food. You can't refuse. There were some things I just couldn't eat at the expense of the host's feelings, but better to eat only a little than eat more throw it up I figured. I also prayed at the most famous Hindu temple in Hardoi, the Rama-I-wish-remembered.

The flat, which the father owns, houses the entire family. The father, mother, two sons, daughter, the eldest son's wife and daughter, and the wife's mother-in-law. It's a modest size, especially for all those family members, compared to an American sense of space. But they get along, at least for that day and half. There was honestly no sign of anyone getting in anyone else's way. In terms of gender roles, if it were an American household, it might seem rigid and even archaic. But it's impossible to truly compare. I will explain, but you mustn't judge. The women cooked, cleaned, and served. Mainly only the daughter and the eldest son's wife. The men were served first and sometimes we completed our meal before a woman joined us (not me though, as I'm a painfully slow eater) and sometimes they would join in the middle. The women certainly talked to me, but language was the issue. If they spoke English, I didn't hear it. The level of English varied greatly between family members. Some would ask me things in Hindi and I would stare and smile stupidly.

I must say that quickly I became unconcerned about offending the family over a misunderstanding in terms of gender. It just wasn't an issue. The eldest son's daughter was a year and half old and cried immediately upon spotting me. There's a couple that rents from the family and lives upstairs; their 2 and half year old daughter also staring wailing when she saw me. So the first evening was filled with two crying girls whenever I tried to smile at them. The elder one warmed up to me that night. The other never really did, although he did calmly wave at me a few times.

There's so much to tell, but let's leave it at something mundane. from the train station, I was in the middle of two other guys on the younger son's motorcycle. My crotch against the guy in front's... well, you know, it was a tight squeeze. We're zipping through the hectic Hardoi traffic (hectic for America, not India). Then a 4th guy hopes on. No helmets of course, are you crazy? I was so numb, it was nothing. Just a trip from the train station to the house. And the final thing I'll say is that the family was so good to me. I was afraid of offending them at every turn, but they were just unimaginably nice. And I have some marriage offers.