Getting Hot

Last night I saw a Hindi movie with two Australian women. The movie was called Dil Bole Hadippa. According to Lonely Planet, the theater is the number 1 cinema in India. It was half empty and nothing really suggested Lonely Planet's claim was true. It was funny that people were yelling at the screen though.

The two Australian women were of similar attractiveness. One was short, thin, and blonde. The other was tall, brunette, and a little fuller. When we were walking on the street, every Indian man gazed at the tall brunette; it was astonishing. They not only stared, they yelled at her. The blonde got nothing, much to her delight. A couple of rickshaw drivers tried to get a little aggressive with either woman, until they saw me walking behind them. Then, their faces filled with shame. It was pretty funny.

I haven't met one American since I've been here in India. I haven't overhead an American accent. I haven't even seen someone who looked like they could possibly be an American.

Today, I was messing with the rickshaw drivers. I asked one what he thought about the Celtics now that they have Rasheed Wallace and Garnett's back. Did he think they were better than the Cavs? His answer was, "Festival?" I said, "Festival? What? No, I'm talking about the Celtics and the Cavs." He replied, "Camels!"

Then it got hot for me. I was approached by a guy who said, "Nice beard." I told him, "Thanks. It's better than yours." (Keep in mind, I knew he was trying to either sell something to me or scam me). Then I started a new thing. I told him I was from Moldova (a la two years ago) and my name was Asswipe (pronounced Assweepay) Johnson- a take off of an old SNL sketch that had a good premise but fell flat (thanks to Nicoloas Cage, the guest host). Soon, his buddy came and they tried very hard to scam me. The buddy said that beardy was from a small village and just wanted to talk to a foreigner. He wondered why foreigners were so rude. In the words of Sunshine Anderson, I heard it all before- from the Monday night scammers.

Speaking of which, one of them returned as I was walking with these latest two clowns. He was on the back of a motorcycle with a guy I never met. As soon as he arrived, the other guys split. The returning guy had a flat nose and a pony tail (2 of them from Monday had a pony tail, never a good sign). Right away he asked why I ddin't show up to meet his friend (don't you think you'd eaze into that subject?) He asked if he would see me tonight. I said no, I had plans with a friend. I kept walking. Then his friend pulled back up beside me and asked why I hadn't shown up the other day, again. In a non-scam situation, why would he care? Then, they drvoe off and I believe called me an asshole. We'll see what happens with that. Thankfully, I leave here Sunday.

Right after they left, Muhammad, from Monday night, rode by me and the back of a motorcyce. He screamed, "Hello David!" with a big smile on his face. He didn't stop, which makes me rethink whether or not he was trying to scam me. But why would a rickshaw driver be riding on the back of a motorcycle and not in his rickshaw?