The fifth installment of the Evil Leaders League is now complete. I must say, it was probably the best one yet. Season 5 of the ELL was bigger than Jesus in a speedo. In its five season history, the ELL has still only had 2 champions. But we've had numerous competitors and countless laughs. As always, this season was dedicated first and foremost to the people who make this league happen, the citizens of the afflicted countries. The official ELL site is here. Check throughout the off season for updates.
The Champion - Kim Jong-Il 6-1 (2-0)
Following a mid-summer stroke, Kim Jong-Il raised his game to another level. He was firing bombs from the outside like a young Tim Legler. The difference is that Kim is a threat inside as well. His regime spends its foreign aid currency to build a weapons program that threatens the world in order to receive more aid and start the cycle all over again. Meanwhile, the people of North Korea just watch the action like a bunch of ugly supermodels.
Check out the best out-of-context lines from this season in the Highlights section.
The Challengers
Omar al-Bashir 5-2 (1-1) - The genocidal dictator from Sudan came up short for only the 2nd time in ELL history.
Bashar al-Assad 5-2 (0-1) - Funding terrorist groups got this Syrian into the playoffs; moderate talk made it a short stay.
Than Shwe 4-3 (0-1) - How respectful of human rights do you expect a military junta to be?
Hugo Chavez 4-3 - The Venezuelan leader is like a four-year old when it comes to declaring ownership and dealing with people who disagree with him.
The Relegated
Omar Bongo 2-5 - The beatnik from Gabon couldn't buy or imprison his way into another season in the ELL.
Ali Khamenei 1-6 - The Ayatollah might be all powerful in Iran, but not in the ELL.
Nursultan Nazarbayev 1-6 - I don't care how little respect the Kazakh leader has for dissent, I'll be damned if I have to write out his name for another season.
Some Facts and Figures:
Uses of the word during the fifth ELL season - some variation of the word "evil" 33 times; "fuck" 6 times; "shit" 3 times; "a Rangoon Steamer" 1 time; "autocrat" 3 times; "blueberry muffins" 1 time.
7 lame jokes about Omar Bongo's last name
6 appearances by random musicians (Master P, Michael Jackson, Don Omar, Whitney Houston, Paul Simon, Madonna)
4 mentions of George W. Bush
2 accounts of prisoners being whipped (and not in the good S&M way)
1 reference to Rubin "Hurricane" Carter's father, that dead lady who had her hand up Lamb Chop's ass, and Uncle Jessie tucking in Michelle.
I'd also like to take the space to thank our loyal and not so loyal followers of the Evil Leaders League.
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