Me and Mary J

"Oh my god! Ms. Blige, it's so wonderful to meet you! Oh my, oh my! I'm such a casual fan."
"Huh? Oh, thanks."
"Ms. Blige, can I ask you something?"
"Uh, yeah, sure."
I get down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"
"SECURITY!"

And there went another potential life of happiness.

I don't know why Mary J doesn't see what I see. I'm all she needs and if we were together, there would be no more drama. So, what's the 411? Do you see what I did there? I took the titles of some of her work and incorporated it into describing our possible relationship. Very original, you have to admit.

Mary J sings beautifully and looks even better. She has lots of money. I have none of these things. I just don't see why it won't work. We compliment each other so well! Life is very unfair.

Oh well. I guess it's time to drown myself in sorrow and Slurpees once more.