Thursday, January 29, 2009

Evil Leaders League, Week 2

U.S. President Barack Obama is a threat to the Evil Leaders League. After he's done, America might not have any enemies left to ridicule in a silly competition such as this. Can the world survive without any evil leaders or leagues to mock those leaders? And even if it can, who would want to live in such a world? Fortunately, America's foreign policy is highly influenced by unelected bureaucratic officials and big corporations who will always ensure the existence of evil leaders. Thank the lord. Now that we all can rest assured that the ELL will continue, let's get to the results. Check out the official Evil Leaders League site for intensive coverage.

Bongo vs al-Bashir
There hasn't been a contest like this since Gooding/Epps. Not since Mullah/Don. Gabonese, Gabonian, Gabonese, Gaboner (whatever it is) President Omar Bongo looks a whole lot like Rubin "Hurricane" Carter's father. Bongo's latest album entitled Graft is a wonderful ode to corrupt African dictators and even reportedly features a guest spot from former Senegalese Prime Minister Macky Sall. Omar al-Bashir, who looks like Michael Wilbon's father, heads the Sudanese regime. Sudanese government forces launched an attack against Darfuri rebels using fresh air strikes. If only the food in Darfur was that fresh... or existent.

To view the winners of each contest, go to the official ELL site.

Khamenei vs Chavez
The Supreme Leader of Iran and huge Diana Ross fan, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is a lot like a record producer. He's got the power, he's got the money, but Ahmadinejad gets all the pub. That's just fine for Khamenei as he pops out another Britney Spears record from the shadows. But there's a new sound out there now, coming from the mouth of Barack Obama. Khamenei might have to change things up. Change is never good for an evil leader. Hugo Chavez, the top denizen of Venezuela, recently insulted Obama calling him "Bush lite." He then commented about how witty that comment was because Busch is also a beer. It was a double entendre! Isn't that clever? Then Chavez met with Obama and, despite the previous animosity, fell in love like something out of a predictable 1980s movie. But at least the Socialist oil checker has a starring role.

Kim vs Nazarbayev
Kim Jong-Il, the big head of North Korea, is healthy according to the coiffed leader's son. Apparently, Kim is swinging an aluminum bat at the shins of his sons like a man half his age. That's good to hear. A healthy evilness needs both the evil and the healthy parts. The president of Kazakhstan goes by the name of Nursultan Nazarbayev. Nazarbayev wants there to be a global currency. He suggested the currency could be the small intestines of democracy advocates, which, coincidentally, is already Kazakhstan's currency. When he's not coming up with great ideas, Nazarbayev is attending official Indian celebrations. Apparently, the world's largest democracy hasn't heard Nazarbayev's proposal yet.

al-Assad vs Shwe
Bashar al-Assad is the president of Syria. He congratulated Gaza over its recent victory. If that was a victory, I don't want to win anything ever! But it's important for an evil chief to be delusional, just ask the leadership of Citigroup. But then al-Assad went and spoiled it all by saying something crazy like: I'm cautiously optimistic that the new American president will bring peace to the region. You know that means you have to give up Lebanon, don't you? Burmese leader Than Shwe runs the military junta in Myanmar. Shwe is a lot like your uncle on cocaine. He's ruining the family but he doesn't care. He won't listen to reason. He hurts everyone around him. There's no changing him. But unlike your uncle, Than Shwe won't share with the kids.

standings: Check the ELL site

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