Evil Leaders League, Season 4 in Review

This has been a wonderful season for the Evil Leaders League. ELL fans across the land have said that this campaign gave them a number of smiling cringes. And why wouldn't it have. There is plenty of smile-worthy and cringe-worthy stuff in Season 4 of the ELL. I'd like to thank our fans, our evil leaders, but most of all, the oppressed peoples of the world, because without them, there would be no Evil Leaders League. The official ELL site is here. Check throughout the off season for updates.

The Champion - Omar al-Bashir 6-1 (2-0) [all-time: 22-6 (6-1)]
Omar al-Bashir won his third championship in the four season history of the ELL. He is the ELL version of the Houston Comets of the WNBA. Omar al-Bashir has presided over a genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan for a while now. But this season he brought something new, an indictment on charges of genocide by the ICC. A person committing a genocide and then be charged with the very same crime. How ironic! A little too ironic. In the wake of the financial crisis in the U.S., George Bush could learn a thing or two from al-Bashir about presidential leadership during a tough time. Even in the face of unspeakable tragedy, al-Bashir has the courage to dance the night away, a playful reminder to Darfuri citizens that in every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double, don't worry, be happy.

Here are some of this season's best out of context quotes:

• He will hire a Dream Team of lawyers, including F. Ali Bailey, Johnnie Muhammad Cochran, and Robert bin Shapiro, according to Sudan's minister of information, Kato Kaelin.
• Hitler couldn't hold Ahmadinejad's left nut (and that's the unclean nut).
• War to an evil leader is like ice cream to a cranky toddler.
• Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf told his ministers that he powders his balls. Somehow that made Musharraf even more unlikable in his country. The extremists felt that nut-powdering was unIslamic, but most just felt it was weird. And weirder that he told them.
• Hugo Chavez of Venezuela runs a socialist nation. But not the good kind of socialism. His type doesn't include hairy collegiate girls who will sleep with you.
• When your most ardent enemies want you to stay in power, you've lost your evil edge. Kim is like a porn star with ED.
• If he does face a trial, his only request is he wants a more comfortable cage than the ones provided to Saddam Hussein and Adolph Eichmann.
• But as my anal herpes prove, all double games eventually end; sometimes very painfully.
• Don't be fooled by E.T., these aliens are not cute nor harmless. They are job-stealing, taco-consuming, salsa-dancing monsters.
• He is seriously considering changing the name of his nation to Socialzuela. Just recently, he nationalized a Mexican cement company and the tip of his own penis.
• He's nationalized the fuel industry, the pornography industry, puppies, head lice, your grandmother, Wednesdays, foot odor, and genital warts but not anal warts because Mitt Romney has a pretty good hold on that industry.

The Challengers
Than Shwe 7-0 (1-1) - The Burmese and Myanmar military junta leader made his subjects suffer, which incidentally, happens to be his fetish.
Hugo Chavez 4-3 (0-1) [17-11 (1-3)] - The Venezuelan president is the Lindsey Lohan of being addicted to nationalizing things.
Kim Jong-Il 5-2 (0-1) [18-10 (3-3)] - Who knows if the North Korean leader is alive or not, but he sure is evil.
Nursultan Nazarbayev 3-4 - You'd think having so many letters in his name would've got him relegated, but his hatred of democracy keeps him in the league for another season.

The Relegated
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 2-5 [15-13 (1-2)] - It's always sad to see a long time favorite leave, but the second most powerful man of a poor- though boisterous- nation can only stay in the ELL for so long.
Pervez Musharraf 1-6 [6-8 (0-1)] - Resigning from the presidency of Pakistan doesn't help one's evil clout.
Felipe Calderon 0-7 - The conservative pro-U.S. president of Mexico is about as evil as an ambitious immigrant, but he is more of an elitist.

Some Facts and Figures:
Uses of the word during the fourth ELL season - some variation of the word "evil" 45 times; "ass" 3 times; "fuck" or "shit" amazingly zero times; "pimp" 1 time; "anal" 3 times; "democracy" 6 times.

5 genocides in Game 1 of the ELL Finals
4 times Hitler came up either explicitly or implicitly
3 references to either anal herpes or anal warts
2 inexplicable mentions of tacos
1 dump each on the Jewish parody rapper formerly known as 50 Shekel, Gaylord Perry's rookie card, and Frank Stallone.

Join us next season for more Evil Leaders League action.