When given the option, 9 out of 10 Guantanamo prisoners chose to be waterboarded, a universally recognized form of torture, than to watch the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. After watching the game, which just ended this minute, the other 10 percent claimed they made the wrong choice.
One inmate, Albert Qaeda, from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, explained his decision, "I've always liked baseball, so I figured I'd watch the All-Star Game instead of feeling like I'm drowning. The more I watched, the angrier I became. The game just doesn't make sense. It if counts, why is the game still managed like an exhibition game? It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Mustafa McDonald, from Sheboygan, Yemen, agreed, "After 5 hours of baseball, I realized I made the wrong decision. And that's not even counting the 45 minutes plus of self-congratulatory bullshit before the contest."
Generally, the few inmates that chose to watch the game were more upset about the absurdity of the rules than the length of the game. Ahmad I. Nejad, from Tehran, Idaho, advised, "Either play it like a real game, if it going to determine home field advantage in the World Series, or play it as it is currently constructed and don't give it significance. Honestly, either way, it shouldn't determine home field advantage in the World Series. That is insane."
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, from New York, added, "At least I had a better night than Dan Uggla. Now can somebody call Pat Riley and tell him to get me out of here already!"
Commissioner Bud Selig could not be reached for comment.
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