Monday, December 10, 2007

Asbestos Found in the White House

Traces of asbestos have been discovered in the White House. This is largely being blamed for the epidemic of forgetfulness plaguing the Bush administration.

The asbestos is a unique type and poisoning causes a rather curious symptom, which is known as "selective memory" in the scientific community. This unfortunate symptom causes people to forget when they do something illegal, immoral, or unethical.

Alberto Gonzalez had no idea what happened during his tenure as attorney general because of asbestos poisoning, which he contracted through his frequent visits to the White House where he decided which U.S. attorneys would be fired based on political allegiance. Ironically, when congress summoned him to inquire about the politically-motivated firings, it was the asbestos poisoning that saved him, because he couldn't remember a damn thing about it. Interestingly, Albert Gonzalez can recite every line from every episode of Night Court, which he credits as the inspiration for his legal career.

Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has a lot of trouble remembering anything that has to do with the word "Iraq." However, he does remember titty-twisting Saddam Hussein in the late 1970s after Hussein wet-willied Rumsfeld before an earlier meeting. Whatever happened to that Saddam guy anyway? Rumsfeld doesn't remember.

Condoleezza Rice doesn't remember much from the last seven years or so. Destroyed tapes of illegal CIA interrogations? Huh? Faulty intelligence regarding Iraq's weapons of mass destruction program? Whaa? What she does remember is the combination to her locker in junior high school.

Hopefully the next president can do something about the asbestos problem.

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