Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The Case Against 50 Shekel

50 Shekel was a terrible Jewish parody rapper who has since found Jesus and is now a terrible Christian rapper. I will attempt to prove that he is terrible, an embarrassment, offensive, and I hate him.

I must admit that his name is brilliant. He took the name of a popular rapper, 50 Cent, and then exchanged the name Cent for the Israeli alternative, Shekel. The only thing I can think of more clever than that is Snoopy Catt.

50 Shekel has the worst rhymes, the worst flow, and the worst voice. He says that kids think he's cool. Kids think peeing in their pants is cool. They think eating their own boogers is cool. They think Britney Spears is cool. 50 Shekel says adults think he's cool. These are the same people who thought Elvis was soulful and original.

50 Shekel's music is corny. In Ecuador, they make canguil out of 50 Shekel CDs. Amerindians call his music maizey. On the 4th of July, we eat 50 Shekel Cds-on-the-cob. Snickers has shifted to high-fructose 50 Shekel CDs syrup. He's worse than my jokes.

50 Shekel claims that he's not a stereotype. He explains in a very nebishy way, "I'm just being me. I don't know, am I a stereotype?" The answer is yes. Perhaps your personality is an offensive stereotype. It's not unheard of. Perhaps when Jewish people look at you or here your terrible rhymes, they are embarrassed because you are a digusting stereotype that makes Bill Riccio smile. Even your name, Aviad Cohen is a stereotype.

In addition, you're mocking Hip Hop, a form of art and cultural expression started by blacks and Puerto Ricans. So you're embarrassing and offending them too. Sure, there is room for other cultures to expand the dimensions of Hip Hop, but I hope you don't think your terrible songs are part of that expansion. You make C. Delores Tucker look like Chuck D.

50 Shekel says that his inspiration came from seeing many creative Jews, but nobody was doing what he was doing. There's a good reason for that. It's because you suck.

You think you're hot shit because you're a kohen? Fuck that. Man, my balls are kohanim (that's true). That shit went out with the Holocaust. We're all the same.

Now 50 Shekel is a Jew for Jesus, also known as a Christian. Jews don't believe that Jesus is the messiah or divine, it's kind of a fundamental thing. So you can't be a Jew for Jesus. You gotta pick one, either you're a Jew or you're for Jesus. You think calling him Yeshua fools us? We know you're talking about Jesus douchebag.

So you're a Christian and you've stereotyped Jews. Why don't you just piss on Yad Vashem, Mr. Cohen? You're a disgrace to the human race, you fuckface. Go to hell. Case closed.

1 comment:

Aviad Cohen said...

The way you speak about me and Christians, as well as Messianic Jews reminds me of why I left rabbinic Judaism in the first place. You are cruel, without God and are a terrorist. Look at the way you speak. YOu definitely do need Yeshua as your Messiah. Devil's got a hold on you and you're enjoying the ride straight down to hell. You can always repent.

Aviad Cohen