Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Evil Leaders League, Week 5

I was driving on Route 66 and passed by a Lexus with the Virginia license plate "NVMYLEX" (envy my Lexus).

I don't envy your Lexus sir, I envy your humility and secure sense of self-worth. I know eight evil leaders who might envy you too. Here are the results from Week 5 of the ELL:

al-Bashir vs Ahmadinejad
Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir Tikki Tikki Tembo No Sarimbo Hari Kari Bushkie Perry Pem Do Hai Kai Pom Pom Nikki No Meeno Dom Barako seems to agree in principle with UN resolutions and then not follow through with them. It's called diplomacy. It's somehow gotten the proposed sanctions on Sudan softened in an upcoming UN resolution. Good for him, but not entirely evil. Although getting sanctions softened while a genocide persists is pretty evil. Kudos. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad doesn't even bother with agreeing to UN resolutions. He's been called a wackjob, wacko, madman, loony tunes, and a Holocaust denier, but he had the good sense to send his condolences to Bill Walsh's family upon hearing of his passing.
winner: al-Bashir (for the 2nd time against Ahmadinejad in as many contests)

Chavez vs Kim
Hugo Chavez, the man in the middle of Venezuelan politics has criticized his former oil ministers for favoring foreign oil companies and running away with the country's wealth. That's only kinda evil, but we've come to expect a lot out of Chavez, who certainly talks the evil talk. North Korea's leader is a rabid anti-smoker who has been quite nervous due to recent elections in his country. In the end Kim Jong-Il won with 117% of the vote (margin of error +/- 17%). All of his preferred candidates won by a convincing margin (all of it). Even the dogs he bet on won their fights. For all we criticize North Korean society, at least they got one thing right- dog fighting's not illegal over there.
winner: Kim (that makes 2 out of 2 against Chavez)

Putin vs Karimov
Vladimir Putin of Russia won't run for a third election in a row. That's not evil. He very well may come back in 2012. That's not really evil either, but it is arrogant and power-hungry, qualities that one needs to be evil. He's also had school textbooks rewrite history to fit Putin's vision. That's more like it. Uzbekistan, currently rated the 3rd best "stan" country in the world, is run by Islam Karimov. Islam Karimov has shut down an independent Islamic newspaper and yes, he gets the irony. Karimov has boiled people and made an upcoming election disappear, but this is a what-have-you-done-lately league. Lately, Karimov has jailed his political opponents while Putin has more subtly poisoned them.
winner: Putin

Lukashenko vs Sarkozy
Both are winless this season. Both are European dictators. But only one is French. Alexander Lukashenko is not that man, he's the president of Belarus, which is like a cross between Russia and Bella Abzug's house, I think. Lukashenko is about to dismiss Prime Minister Sergei Sidorsky, because he doesn't like the shape of Sergei's neck, specifically saying, "I don't like the shape of Sergei's neck." Lukashenko generally sacks his prime minister every two to three years and after they're done playing football, Lukashenko fires them to prevent powerful political rivals. Nicolas Sarkozy is the president of the evil French Empire, hell-bent on destroying America. Sarkozy went so far as to cut taxes for the rich. He's included minority women in his cabinet including the extremely conservative Condoleezza Riz. Really, I'm gonna end this week on that inordinately awful joke?
winner: Lukashenko

Putin 4-1
al-Bash 4-1
Kim J-I 4-1
Chavez 3-2
Karimo 2-3
Ahmad 2-3
Lukash 1-4
Sarkozy 0-5

1 comment:

John said...

I do love this segment. Just charming.