Jew Goes to Church

I went to my first real Christian service yesterday in the form of a Catholic mass. I've been to an Ash Wednesday service at the chapel at my liberal arts school. It was a bad experience because the service included some of my fellow students reading anti-Semitic things from the bible. The Goucher College religious professor (the white one) running the service tried to explain in one sentence at the end of the service, "Our class is studying anti-Semitism in the bible." Then either don't open it to the public or leave out the anti-Semitism. But it didn't impact my impressions of Christianity. I will now interview myself about this latest experience because I have no friends.

Q: Did you feel comfortable in church?
A: I'm usually not so comfortable in any religious setting, but I was not more uncomfortable in church.

Q: Would you say that it struck down any fearful illusions you may have had about what is said in a church, but at the same time you didn't really connect with what was being said?
A: Yes.

Q: Did the priest have a Jewish cadence?
A: Yes.

Q: What was his sermon about?
A: Change.

Q: Change in what capacity?
A: I have no idea.

Q: Remember when the nun had to climb over you to receive communion, was that embarrassing?
A: Yes.

Q: Aesthetically speaking, was the church more bare than churches in east and central Europe?
A: Yes.

Q: How was church similar to synagogue?
A: The format was similar, singing-sermon-singing. The set-up was similar, the leader was in front with all the followers sitting facing him. There was a story about Moses.

Q: How was church similar to a mosque?
A: The kneeling. Also shaking everyone's hand around you and saying, "Peace be with you."

Q: Did these similarities teach you anything?
A: Yes.

Q: Yeah and what was that asshole?
A: It taught me that the religious services of Jews, Christians, and Muslims are generally very similar, each with its own unique quirks.

Q: What was the overall lesson that you learned from attending Catholic mass?
A: Catholics are just like you and me... and all of us are horrible people. Repent!