Evil Leaders League, Week 5

Week 5 of the ELL:

Chavez vs Lukashenko
Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has two things going for him. One is his threat to jail grocery store owners who don't comply with his price controls. He's also threatened to nationalize their businesses. All of that is right up an evil hero's alley. The other thing is that my friend Kristen wrote a paper on him for grad school. Belarus' President Alexander Lukashenko reportedly wants to join the European Union. It's hard to be an evil leader when you got people looking over your shoulder. If jailing grocers wasn't enough, Kristen's efforts give Hugo Chavez an easy victory.
winner: Chavez

Kim vs Ahmadinejad
Kim Jong-Il of North "mothafuckin" Korea has decided to ban Japanese cars. Hey asshole, this is the Evil Leaders League, not the Crazy Leaders League. Everyone knows Japan makes better cars than North Korea. Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (take your time with prouncing it Tony Snow) puts the fear of G-d in Mor(m)on US presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Ahmadinejad didn't even do shit. In fact, he's losing support at home. Mahmoud's just a hustler baby. Iran also shut down a web site talking shit about Mahmy. Kim got schooled this week.
winner: Ahmadinejad

Mugabe vs Hussein
Zimbabwe's leader Robert Mugabe is in trouble. The opposition party MDF was allowed to hold a protest rally, which was designed to launch their presidential campaign for 2008. Mugabe hopes to postpone elections until 2010. Democracy is not an evil leader's friend. But he wins anyway because his opponent, Saddam Hussein, is dead.
winner: Mugabe

al-Bashir vs Castro
Omar al-Bashir, the president of Sudan, should be a bit farklempt. Violence in Darfur is only increasing. And people are noticing, I hope. It's to the point where aid workers are victims of violence, not just innocent people from Darfur. Rwanda's president Paul Kagame says that the situation in Darfur is reminiscent of the genocide in his own country during 1994. But, al-Bashir does not have an artificial anus like his opponent. Omar is also in power, something that Fidel Castro also can't say. That's not the only thing stroke face can't say.
winner: al-Bashir

standings:
Kim J-I 4-1
Chavez 4-1
Ahmad 4-1
Lukash 3-2
al-Bash 3-2
Mugabe 2-3
Castro 0-5
Hussein 0-5