The Vice President Shot His Friend In The Face

I can go a variety of ways with this one:

Of course, the terrorists win if Vice President Dick Cheney isn't allowed to shoot his friend in the face.

Shooting an old man in the face is actually a welcome change for Mr. Cheney, who took time out from eating babies to fire a gun at his friend.

I think it's fitting that his friend's name is Whitemanton. Whittington? Oh wow, that's even whiter.

The Vice President cocked back and fired at the 78-year old Whittington. The bullets flew through the air and into the facial region of the Texas attorney, who- without checking any facts- is a prosecutor. As the bluish blood ran down the old man's cheek, Cheney giggled like a school girl, which is the only mode of expressing emotion he still has, due to the bells palsy that has crinkled one side of his face like a raison in the sun (that line has already been taken? Damn.).

I actually don't know what the big fuss is, I shoot my friends in the face all the time.

Mistaking an old man for a quail is really not that big of a deal. Millions of people mistake Bill O'Reilly for intelligent life.

The only shock from this event is that Dick Cheney went a weekend without shooting a minority.

Man, George Bush really IS stupid, mistaking a man for a quail, wait what?

Quail, the Vice President, and shooting a man in the face because he was mistook for a bird... I would have guessed there'd be a "Dan" in there somewhere.

I'm thankful Mr. Cheney was able to get away from all the troubles of the world and just take a weekend to relax and shoot his friend in the face.

After this, I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for a horrible man to stay alive. Long live George Bush!

Cheney certainly did not mean to shoot Whittington on purpose. He was imagining it was his gay daughter on the other end. Don't worry, he was just trying to shoot the gay off her.

Despite all the heart attacks and his decrepit appearance, Dick Cheney is not nearly as old as the man he shot.


Well, I've had a lot of fun at the expense of Dick Cheney, but hopefully this little exercise has helped you come to the realization, that the VICE PRESIDENT SHOT A MAN IN THE FACE!