H or D

In another country there are a few essential nuggets of information. As I've found out, sometimes the hard way, bathroom-related info is among the more important.

A group of us were in a 1950s style American diner. Sammy Davis Jr., Abbot and Costello, and Rocky all stared at me from the wall. Eric, a tall American gentile from Oregon sat to my right. He and I have cheered up the group with our playful banter. All tall male gentile friends of mine know what I'm talking about. Cara, who lives in New York, sat across from him. Across from me was an American-Austrian, Miffy, a tall skinny man with a slight Austrian accent with every word, expect for Long Island. His mother is from Long Island and she at least passed on her accent with 'Long Island'. Next to him was Patrick, a German who wants to convert to Judaism.

I really had to poop midway through our outing. I asked the two Europeans about the whereabouts of the bathroom, WC, toilet, I-have-to-shit. They told me it was down the stairs. When I got there, I was confronted with a dilemma. There were no pictures on the bathroom doors, only two letters "H" and "D".

I raced upstairs to ask Miffy and Patrick, "H or D?" They both answered emphatically, "H!"

I ran back downstairs and realized that both letters were part of my intials. 'Which one of my initials did they say again?' I thought. 'D, it must be D,' I decided.

So I opened the door to D and walked in to the empty bathroom. 'Hmm, there are no urinals. Guess they don't have urinals in Germany,' I reasoned.

I struggled to find the light for each stall, but finally gave up and plopped my ass on the toilet farthest from the door.

In the middle of my dump I screamed, "Shit!" It had occured to me that my two German-speaking comrades had told me 'H' and I was taking a shit in the lady's room. I finished as quickly as possible and scurried out the door of the lady's room.

'Whew, no one saw me,' just as a man walked by. 'Fuck, just be cool, act normal, you're just a hairy woman.'

I went back upstairs and told everyone that I just took a big shit in the lady's room.