My Choice for Pope

A new word has been invented: epopel. It will be used to define the process of selecting a new pope. I will have my own epopel online, which I guess makes it an e-epopel or something. Post your comments regarding who you think should be the next pope through our epopel. But remember, please be serious. No monkey business. My choice is Sammy Davis Jr.

Sammy Davis Jr. should be the next pope, despite the fact that he's a black Jew and has been deceased for 15 years.


Sammy Davis may seem like an unlikely choice because he would be the first black man ever to be epopeled. He would also be the first Jew ever voted the leader of the Catholics (as pope anyway). His death many years ago, makes his selection even more unlikely. However, Sammy Davis Jr. was a respected entertainer in his day. He was not like the performers of today, who are lucky to have one talent. No, he was multi-versed in delighting his audiences. Plus, wouldn't it be really cool to have a black Jewish pope? That would be a big "suck it" to the Italian delegation of cardinals.

Mr. Davis' untimely death of cancer in 1990 hurts his chances. But c'mon, of the three things hindering his chances, the dead thing is third most important behind the black and the Jewish things. Even the Catholic guy "sinning himself" in the corner knows that. Mr. Davis had a glass eye and hung out with "rat pack," some sort of popular "pack" back during an era when many Justin Timberlakes haunted the few winks Frank Sinatra caught, with their crazy dancing, not-so-good singing, and the overall unlikability this imagined army of Justin Timberlakes possessed. How prophetic Mr. Sinatra's visions were.

As exemplified by the Rat Pack, Sammy Davis hung out with Italians, so he'd be accustomed to dealing with them on a regular bases as pope. He also appeared on the Cosby Show as a deep illiterate dude, so he knows what it's all about. He'd be a natural. Sure there would be doubters. Those that managed to look past his race, his religion, and his current medical status might find other areas to disqualify him. He was married, he smoked quite a bit, and he hung out with the fucking Rat Pack for Christ-sake. Nevertheless, I am able to look beyond all of those apparent disqualifying factors and nominate Sammy Davis Jr. in my epopel.