Yo Voté

About a week ago, I voted in the Maryland primaries. After voting, I received a sticker with the words "Yo Voté" on it. Was this some kind of alien language? The sticker could have said "My mother's a whore" for all I know. I felt threatened.

Pepe, a small Mexican boy that I keep locked up in my basement until he realizes that "v" and "b" are two different letters and make two different sounds, told me that the strange letters formed a language known as Spanish.

Spanish is taking over our lives. It's on our voting stickers, it's on our Taco Bell menus (well, sort of), it's on our two Spanish-language tv stations, and I even heard a public announcement in Spanish while waiting for the metro once. It's everywhere in America, and I, for one, don't like it.

Now some may say that if I had looked 1/16 of an inch (I measured) above the words "Yo Voté" on my sticker, I would have noticed the words "I voted" just below an ostentation picture of the American flag. But I'm a busy man, I don't have time to adjust my eyesight ever-so-slightly, I got things to do (lay on the couch) and people to see (on tv).

As for that Spanish message at the metro station, some may claim that it was simply repeating the message already announced in English and to help people who are more comfortable with Spanish than English. But, what if it was a secret code telling the Spanish-speakers to kill all us true Americans? Yeah, not so harmless now, is it?

So, please, let's take "Yo Voté" off our voting stickers. I would like to understand the writing on my shirt (accept for the shirt that I bought in China, containing Chinese writing that almost certainly calls me a douche). And let's get Spanish out of our country. I'm with Lou Dobbs here, America is not a place for immigrants!