2006 Year in Review

This year reminded me of 1998. What? That doesn't make any sense. Anyway, here are some personal blog highlights from this past year.

2006's New Year's Resolutions.
The vote on The Probability That I Will Be A Serial Killer. Thankfully most people think I won't be.
My yearly tribute to the late Hank Gathers.
I also wrote a not-as-flattering Ode To Tucker Carlson.
Evidently, I Hate Immigrants.
I examined the scope of Jews' power in Oh, Those Powerful Jews, which has been widely regarded in neo-nazi circles.
The Rwandan genocide was humorously started by A Bad Day.
My post on Neo-Cons vs Neo-Nazis.
A serious look at Two Girls Run Over By A Tank.
Plenty of racism in the Clash of Civilizations.
I implore all Americans to Speak English, well sorta.
Short people can do anything and get away with it as Sentence Comes Up Short shows.
Evaluating the last 2 American presidents in Clinton Bones Bush.
Comparing Jews vs Christians.
Got a question? Ask An Average Muslim.
A short story- For The Love Of Hate: The Riccio-Hale Story.
In its entirety: The Jew Draft.
In August, I went to Europe. Here's one post: Visiting My Family's Past.
The ultimate battle for moral supremacy: Ted Haggard vs Mark Foley.
A lot of bad things that happened actually didn't happen: Tragedy Denial.
Yesterday's post- I'm Back.


Happy New Year everyone.

I'm Back

In my absence James Brown, Gerald Ford, and Saddam Hussein all died. I remember when Ray Charles died the same week as Ronald Reagan. What is with soul singers and ex-presidents dying in the same week? I think it's a conspiracy. If I were Stevie Wonder, I'd monitor Jimmy Carter's health scrupulously.

I'll have anecdotes and pictures from my trip in the new year.

Hiatus

In just a few hours, I'll begin my week-long journey that will mostly consist of a Caribbean cruise. I think we're docking in Haiti, Puerto Rico, Bahamas, and St. Thomas, but I really have no fucking idea. Turns out completing a master's degree in Comparative World History does have a perk or two. I most likely won't have internet access.

Instead of more troops going to Iraq, I want to see them home before I come back. And not because of Tom Vilsak's reasoning- it's the Iraqis fault. It's their country, let them fight for it. No. That position corrupts that of the people who truly want the troops home so that fewer people will die. America's presence in Iraq has exacerbated the violence. BRING THE TROOPS HOME!

The Iverson trade is interesting, but I don't think it will help the Nuggets much come playoff time. They're not better than the Spurs, Mavs, Suns, or Jazz. Of those four, they could only beat the Jazz in a series, because Denver has more playoff experience. If the Sixers play their two draft picks right, and it will be a deep draft in June, they may actually have gotten the better end of the deal in the long run. Meanwhile, the Knicks have turned the brawl into a positive, winning three straight.

If the Colts don't get a bye in the first round of the NFL playoffs, I think they'll have something to prove and the weight of expectation will be lessened. Watch for this to be the year they make their run. I still have faith that the Bills can creep into the playoffs.

I'm done here. Peace and love to all.

Chanukah vs Christmas

The way we celebrate these holidays is reflective of something. What that is, I don't know. Ok ok, I know, I just don't want to say it in a Christian country.

I like the idea of Christmas. Giving, world peace, love- these are good things last time I checked. Running up the electric bill of everyone in the neighborhood to keep your Santa snow globe inflated and shining bright is a bit much though.

Christmas

Taken from a moving car, but through the sea of light you can make out the giant snow globe in the middle, neon reindeer to the left, and the lit candy canes to the right.

The camera wasn't able to capture how bright and obnoxious this one is. Santa and Frosty, a little to the right, raise up and down.

It's hard to see, but they essentially just hung up those flashing snowflakes and then threw the Christmas lights on the tree to the right. If you're going to waste electricity, at least do a good job. Don't make it look like your retarded 5 year old hung up the lights.

Chanukah
The one family that puts their menorah in the window stopped after the third night, so I didn't get a picture of it. That's an early exit for them; they usually last until about the 5th night.

Observations
Christmas is supposed to be about charity and modesty. Chanukah is the freaking festival of lights! And all we do is light a candle for a couple of nights (no one ever makes it all the way). One Jewish house had a couple of blue and white lights and another had a small sad paper menorah taped to their door. No one else has any decoration. That's all that's needed when celebrating Chanukah, the festival of lights. We don't find it necessary to throw it in anybody's face, even though it wouldn't be contradicting the principles of our holiday. How about a little more peace on earth and a little less lit deer, neon snowflakes, giant Santas, and awkward Frostys? Merry Christmas.

Fighting My Family

If my family had a boxing tournament, I sincerely believe that I would finish victorious and be crowned champion. Most of the women in my family are under 5 foot tall and most of the men are dead.

My two toughest challenges to overcome would be my younger brother Ian and not wanting to punch the majority of my female relatives in the face. My brother has me by about 50 lbs and 4 or 5 inches. I question how well he'd be able to use his size advantage against me. We're probably equally as strong. I'm pound for pound stronger, but if he's able throw his weight into his punches and keep me at a distance, he'll do well. I just think I'm too fast and can outlast him. It'll be tough for him to even hit a small jumpy target. Plus, I won the first boxing match 10 years ago.

There are only three other men in my family. My two uncles related by marriage. One uncle is a computer nerd and was never athletic. He'll have no fun, I'll drop him in one. My other uncle has a crazy streak. But his age and my speed will make him bleed. My decree, I'll drop him in three. My cousin is only five years old, I'd destroy him. But since he's five, I'll leave him alive.

Against the women, I'd just try to win on points so I wouldn't have to mercilessly beat them. But if they test me, this is what they got coming. My two cousins were athletes, one a figure skater, the other a synchronize swimmer. It won't help them against me. Their small stature takes away my uppercut, but still neither would be much of a contest. My aunts are tough and crazy. One will intimidate me with her yelling, but in the end, I'm too fast for her. My other aunt's too nice to hurt me.

When my mother grabs me and tried to kiss me, I've accidentally caught her with a hand or a forearm and she starts crying like a baby. She'll be easy to whoop. My grandma's a tough lady. She's got strong bones. But she's almost 80 years old, so I think I can take her. In 2000, she voted for Gore, so I'll drop her in four.

I'm Not Marshall

My brother graduated from Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Miami's rival is Ohio University, but Ian and I have a special spot of hatred in our hearts for those fuckers at Marshall.

Now they've made a movie about Marshall and it has really fucking pissed me off. We used to yell at the opposing teams (no matter what sport or who was playing), "We're gonna kill you like Marshall's 1970 football team," or "You're going down like the plane of Marshall's football team in 1970!" Perhaps it was out of place at a Division III college basketball game between Goucher and Salisbury, but hey, it was our thing.

With the movie, We Are Marshall, our trash talk has lost all its power. It's terrible. I'm sick over it. But that's not the worst part of the movie. The worst part is that they've portrayed this plane crash as a tragedy. Can you believe that? These were awful horrible people that went to Marshall! Imagine if a plane carrying the Hutu murderers who hacked the Tutsis to bits were lauded as heroes. That's the equivalent of going to Marshall. I implore everyone to boycott this movie.


On another note I saw Rocky VI today. It's the first time I've ever seen a movie the day it came out. If you're a Rocky fan, it's a sweet end to an era. If you're not a Rocky fan, you probably won't get it. By Rocky fan, I mean if you've ever thought, "You know, it feels like I haven't seen a Rocky movie in forever," and it's only been 3 months.

Knicks Brawl Reactions

I am the commissioner of a predominantly Jewish fantasy basketball league named "Shabbatai Zvi was a Schmuck." Every week I write a week in review chronically the goings-on in our league and in the NBA. Ok, it really just amounts to me making shit and dick jokes while mocking the fat guy and the stupid guy for being fat and stupid respectively.

Anyway, here are portions of week 7's review- about the brawl and the image of the league:

Carmelo got 15 games. I thought he should've gotten more. 15 for that gutless sucker punch and then one game for each back-step he took running the other way. J.R. Smith (10 games) should've gotten more too, for sucker-tackling Nate Robinson. I was hoping Nate's (10) would be less, not actually hitting anyone, but oh well. And don't tell anyone, but I thought Jeffries (4) was going to get a lot more. But I'm proud of Jeffries, Nate, and Collins. Fuck Carmelo Anthony!

On a related note, in response to sports writers I would like to send a message to our league. Everyone perceives this league to just be a bunch of lawyers and accountants. We need to change this perception. For fucks sake, enough with the funny hats and khakis, this league has a strict dress code. We need to clean up the image of the league. I swear, if you kikes whine or bicker, there will be consequences. Now we need to appeal to the gentile public if we want them to follow this league, so no more public sarcasm, torah readings, bitterness, and being Holocausted. Thank you.

Knicks and Bills Pride

The New York Knicks have been struggling on the floor of late. Mardy Collins exhibited that frustration when he fouled J.R. Smith of the Denver Nuggets hard. It was a flagrant foul and Collins deserved ejection and to be suspended. That is justice. But the Nuggets didn't feel that way and fought instead. It wasn't enough for them to run up the score and purposefully embarrass the Knicks. When the Knicks showed some pride, they had to start a fight.

Carmelo Anthony threw several punches including one that hit Mardy Collins in the face after things had calmed down and Collins was blocked from view. Anthony then ran to the other side of the court. Carmelo Anthony showed why he is a cowardly, gutless, sucker-punching sissy. He should be suspended for a long long time. Definitely the longest of anyone involved in this brawl. And throw him off of the USA team too. I mean, Shawn Kemp wasn't allowed on because he grabbed his crotch while dunking; this has got to be worse.

J.R. Smith tackled Nate Robinson when Nate wasn't looking. Smith also threw several punches and started the whole thing after the foul. He needs to be suspended for a long time too.

Nate Robinson showed a lot of guts in the scuffle by backing his teammates, no matter his size. Sadly, I know he'll have to be suspended too as he threw a few punches. Hopefully, the commissioner will realize that Nate's punches really had no intention of connecting and he showed restraint when he could've went after Anthony, as Carmelo moonwalked his way to the "Wuss Hall of Fame." Jared Jeffries went crazy after the sucker punch, trying to defend his teammates. Being a man has nothing to do with fighting, but it has to do with having your buddy's back and Jeffries did. Of course, he should be suspended for a while too, but I respect his loyalty to his teammates.

It's a cliché, but I hope this will bring the Knicks together. They really should have an "us against the world" mentality now. And they now know that they can trust each other. I also like that it was the young guys out there and hopefully they'll be a part of the Knicks for a while. And this might be the thing that gives them purpose.
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I'm proud of the Buffalo Bills. No one has talked about the Bills all season, but they consistently put in gutsy performances. Now the Bills are 7-7 and 5 of our losses were to the Patriots (twice), the Colts, the Chargers, and the Bears- four of the best teams in the NFL. We have an exciting young receiving core and a lockdown defense. And beating the Dolphins twice in one year makes up for a lot of other bad stuff in my life (if there actually was bad stuff for it to make up for). I'm still not sold on the QB, but we'll see.

You Make the Call

Nazi propaganda

OR
From the comic strip Mallard Fillmore by Bruce "Drinkin 'n a-Drivin" Tinsley, mocking Jon Stewart in 2005?

The True Meaning of Chanukah

Oh!
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,
I made it out of clay.
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel... eh, fuck it.