2008 Year in Review

Here are the top whatever number there is below random posts of 2008. They were selected not because of their quality, but because of their randomness.

I was happy that Bobby Fischer is Dead.
You can never start too early. The campaign for the 2014 Alabama governorship kicked off this year with an Attack Ad Against Charles Barkley and his rebuttle.
Remember when John B. Kimble ran for Congress. He lost.
If I was president of a country, these are the ways in which I would show my eccentricity.
Here is my Ode to Tim McVeigh.
Let's relive my devastating split with Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko.
I came up with new punishments for criminals. Did listening to a 50 Shekel song or being Detained make the list?
Here are 7 1/2 Reasons why your man voted for John McCain.
Election fever made me think about George McClellan and the 1864 Campaign.
Pastor Head Taggard was Preaching From the Closet in a sense.

That is all for this year. May tomorrow and every day thereafter be filled with love and Slurpees for you and for me.

2008: The Year In Me

This year has been filled with so many memorable moments. I will always remember 2008 as one of the best and one of the worst years of my life. Let's take a trip down memory lane and relive some of the moments that made this year so remarkable.

Early in the year, I watched the progression of the presidential primaries on tv. I also followed the happenings via the internet. Later in the year, I would follow the general election. Good times.

I watched numerous sporting events on television. I read books. Some of them were worth reading. Some were not.

I saw Patch Adams sitting next to a Cinnabon at the airport. The bank charged me a $5 fee that I felt was unfair and I went to the bank and eventually got my $5 back. I had jury duty. I shaved my beard. Let's see, what else? Yesterday, I went to one Subway, but there was a sign saying it had closed at 7:30 and apologized for the inconvenience, so I went to another Subway. Today, when I woke up, I went to the bathroom and peed in the toilet.

What a year, filled with splendid occasions and horrific heartbreak. 2008 will never be forgotten. Actually, it reminds me a lot of 1993.

Close Guantanamo Prison

The U.S. has stationed military personnel in Guantanamo, Cuba for about a century. In recent years, the U.S. has used part of the land it leased from Cuba to hold detainees suspected of links to terrorism. The prison should be closed and U.S. military personnel should leave the island of Cuba.

The United States Supreme Court decided that inmates in Guantanamo Bay prison should be awarded a trial. This decision came after some detainees had been held in the prison for years without so much as being charged with any crime, not even jaywalking. There's an old saying on the streets of Kabul: Don't jaywalk, you might end up in Guantanamo Bay prison! While detaining prisoners for an indeterminate amount of time is certainly unconstitutional, the more pressing issue is its inhumanity. Detainees face harsh conditions and are forced to endure humiliating acts. Remember, these people have not been convicted of anything, not even copying their friend's math homework in fourth grade.

The presence of the prison is one of the most egregious acts committed by the United States in the eyes of the Muslim world during its war on terror. It should be considered the same in the annals of our nation's history. It goes against every ideal we hold as a nation. If these people are guilty, they should be punished, but they should first be tried. If they are innocent, we must feel an immeasurable amount of shame in our horrific hypocrisy.

While the existence of the prison fans the flames of anti-Americanism in the world, the presence of U.S. military on the shores of Cuba serves to keep tensions high between the two neighboring nations. U.S - Cuba relations have been strained since Castro's rise to power in 1959. With the end of the Cold War, there is no justification to keep tensions at this level. This month, Russia has moved military equipment to Cuba in an effort to intimidate the U.S. Russia was able to do so because the United States never worked to reconcile the divisions that defined the Cold War era with regards to Cuba. Whether in terms of geo-political strategy or a humanitarian concern for the people of Cuba, it makes sense to engage with the regime in a constructive manner, as opposed to push the leadership towards America's enemies and the Cuban people further into isolation. (International Affairs Edition)

The 2008 Bills

The Buffalo Bills finished 7-9, which is disappointing considering their 4-0 and 5-1 starts. But 7-9 is not a terrible record considering the expectations at the beginning of the season. There were certainly a few heartbreaking finishes, which indicates the Bills are not that from being a pretty good team.

The Bills slumped badly towards the end of the season. Much of that was due to a Trent Edwards' injury. The offense sputtered when he wasn't on the field and struggled when was playing at less than 100%. Edwards' troubles hurt the running game immensely. The Bills defense tended to ebb and flow in the footsteps of their offensive teammates. The special teams unit was solid throughout the year.

Head Coach Dick Jauron deserves to be back next season. I must admit, before Losman fumbled away the Jets game, I was screaming for the Bills to pass. The play call was not at fault. Losman should have recognized the pressure and held onto the ball. Jauron is a guy who evokes confidence in himself. You know you won't go back to the days of 3-13 with him at the helm. This season, the Bills had more talent than they did in the past several, but a little bit of patience will probably do the trick. I believe Dick Jauron should be the head coach of the Buffalo Bills next season.

The Beard Diaries, Entry #3

I wrote on a piece of paper "shaved" and put it by my bed so I wouldn't get scared when I look at myself in the mirror when I wake up.

I'm starting to get used to my face. Maybe I'm not so ugly. The hair is growing back furiously though. I can actually feel the hair on my chin sprouting. I have a dusting in the shape of a beard on my face except my chin is more of an African desert. But I did walk into a 7-11 with chocolate smeared on the side of my mouth, which wouldn't have happened if I had the beard. I didn't realize about the chocolate until I got home.

One thing I was worried about when I shaved was whether or not I would look gentiley. If I did, I don't think I do anymore. But that brings me to one of my favorite situations. I love when black people trip up when wishing happy holidays to Jews, "Merry Christma- I mean, Happy Hanukah. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I should've known better. Seriously, I'm really sorry."

In my experience, black people are distraught after making such a mistake, probably because they've so often been on the other side of that kind of culturally sensitive awkwardness. They know how it feels. But in an attempt to apologize, the reaction goes way overboard. So I usually answer back, "Don't worry about it. Let's get something to eat. How 'bout chicken?"
Which leads to, "What did you just say?"
To which I reply, "We're even. Now let's just move on."

The Beard Diaries, Entry #2

Upon further review, I actually look like a 14-year old Russian gangster. "Give me your lunch money or I'll vladistovok your ass!"

Shaving my beard is a lot like the Holocaust: Never again. When not watching basketball, I've spent much of the day staring at old pictures of myself with a beard. My new appearance is giving me a new appreciation for just how attractive I was...

In a little over a day since the massacre of my precious beard, my face has become littered with stubble. Richard Nixon left us with two legacies: a reduction in the allowance of executive authority following the Watergate scandal and my five o'clock shadow.

The Beard Diaries

How do you say goodbye to a friend you've been with every day for the past 6 years? It's difficult, even if it is only for a couple of weeks.

I now realize that I haven't just been a guy with a beard; I am a beard guy.

It was a decision that I instantly regretted. Apparently, underneath my well-placed facial hair is a guy who looks like a redneck. A retarded redneck. And not a very attractive retarded redneck at that. I could've sworn I used to have a top lip. Where did it go? It seems to have slowly receded into my mouth undetected over the years using my mustache as cover. It doesn't help that I look like I'm 10 years old either...

After staring into the mirror for a while, I feel a little better. Maybe I'm not so ugly after all. Maybe it's just something I have to get used to. Still, why is the patch of skin between my chin and my neck so droopy? That's really the problem right now. I hope that goes away.

Channukkah Decorations

Walking down the block, I saw a one-foot tall lit dreidel outside someone's house. For a second, I felt good, "Yeah! Give those gentiles a taste of their own medicine!"

But very quickly it sank in. These people sold out. And didn't do a very good job at it either.

Christmas always brings out tons of hypocritical, ostentatious, and downright tacky decorations. Baltimore is worse than most. I hope. When we're alone, we Jews say things about you and your facacta decorations that your wouldn't believe. Oh sure, we smile to your face and wish you a Merry Christmas, but don't doubt for a second that we talk shit about you and your stupid made up holiday when you're not there. We'd say it to your face, but you're the ones with control of the military.

So, for this Jewish family to take part in this disgraceful display of decorations, however small, fills me with almost as much shame as a Bernie Madoff crime. It's made worse by the fact that Channukkah is a sell out holiday. Its prominence is based solely on soft parents who felt bad that they're Jewish kids weren't getting presents during Christmas. Well guess what, too bad. The Jewish kids should just learn to deal with it. It's good practice for when they get older.

Celebrating Festivus

In the spirit of Festivus, it's time for the Airing of Grievences.

First up is my mother. She is a miserable driver. She has borderline Turrets Syndrome when it comes to giving me inane compliments. She treats me like I'm 4 years old. I'm a grown ass man! Listen ma, I don't need you to change me. Do you know how embarrassing it is to shit your pants when you're a grown ass man? I don't need my mommy changing me on top of that.

Next, and last, is my brother. Last week, he gave me a text at 9:13am with the words, "I just saw Andrew Sullivan." I asked him why he texted me that at 9:13am when he knows I don't wake up until at least noon and we were going to talk on the phone that night for our football pool. He said it was text-worthy, but not worth sitting on until that night, and that I was the only person he knows who would have been familiar with the bearded British conservative blogger who voted for Obama. I told him that Andrew Sullivan would be embarrassed if he ever heard this story. He knows he's not worth waking me up over. My brother disagreed; he said Andrew Sullivan was big time. I asked my brother, "Then how come I'm the only person you know who has ever heard of him?" At which point he told me to go fuck myself.

Also, my brother has a Jew face that's more stereotypical than Bernie Madoff's greed. Neo-nazi cartoonists have looked at his face and thought it was too offensive to depict as an "average Jew."

Family. It's all we got.

U.S. Troops in South Korea

Since the Korean War, fought from 1950-1953, the U.S. has had troops stationed in South Korea. Those troops should be brought home immediately.

As of now, the U.S. has 28,500 troops stationed in South Korea. That is down from 37,000 in 2000, but it is still entirely too many. The justifications to leave the troops there include the fact that the war between North and South Korea is technically not over. In addition, North Korea had been deemed a state sponsor of terror before it was removed from the list earlier this year. The main concern was North Korea's possession of nuclear weapons.

The U.S. troops serve no real purpose in South Korea except to increase the tension between the two hostile nations. There has been an armistice in place since the end of the war in 1953. While the war is technically not over, in reality, though it is a tense situation, the fighting ceased over 50 years ago. There is no real threat of North Korea invading its southern rival, largely because South Korea's military prowess is greater than that of the extremely poor North. Despite the North having nuclear weapons, there is no real threat of their use. They are simply utilized as a tool by North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-Il, in order to extract aid from wealthy nations.

The continued presence of U.S. troops in South Korea is a humiliating reality to the sovereign nation. South Korea is a so-called developed nation, only furthering the shame. In 2002, two thirteen year old South Korean girls were run over by an American tank. This year, South Koreans flocked the streets in protest of a trade deal regarding U.S. beef made by President Lee Myung-Bak. The citizens felt the deal was unfair in favor of the United States. These are examples of incidents that reinforce South Korea's submissive status in its relationship with the U.S., which is epitomized by the presence of U.S. troops on South Korean soil.

The troops must come home in order to restore the United States' relationship with South Korea and to take an essential step towards lessening the tension in the region. (International Affairs Edition)