"You're Jewish?" a student of mine asks with disconcerting surprise. "I'm going to tell the Nazis to come get you!"
A week later, the student, an eleven year old girl, enters the learning center. She's accompanied by her mother and a large man with no hair who looks remarkably out of place. "There he is!" my student bubbles while skipping towards me and pointing. The buff bald man donning a light camouflage jacket, which is left opened exposing his brown wife beater, and army green khakis, focuses his eyes on me. A snarl of delight runs across his lips. "Come with me kike," his gruff voice demands nonchalantly.
I stifle a "Go fuck yourself," remembering that there are several young students occupying the room. "Let's go Jew," he recites, now standing right over me as I sit next to my computer. I figure I can better deal with the situation from outside the learning center, so I rise and begin to walk out the door. As I'm leaving, I look at the eleven year old girl and offer, "What about her? She's Asian." The man motions for her to follow us.
Outside, he grabs me. I aim for his balls, but can't seem to find the target. Another, smaller man, gets a hold of my student. We're dragged outside. I'm putting up a fight, wailing away, but nothing seems to be working. My student is stiff and motionless. We're thrown into their van and beaten into submission.
I awake in a shed. My student is sitting in the fetal position next to me. "What is this place?" she asks me. She's looking at me as if I'm the path to her survival. Probably a makeshift concentration camp. "It's a shed." That seems to calm her a tinge. "Why are we here?" Because you told a Nazi that I'm Jewish! "Because you told a Nazi that I'm Jewish!" Her fright turns into a smirk, "I was just joking! And you told him I was Asian!" I lower my head in shame, "I didn't think he'd take it seriously. Plus, I didn't think that would be any great revelation." She's ready to pounce and then recoils, "What?" I give her a "Never mind."
"I'm hungry." I lean back and tell her, "Get used to it." Just then the larger man bursts through the door. "Here you go, you fag cunts!" My student screams her tears. I'm trying to decipher what a fag cunt could possibly be. While attempting to uncork that paradox, the man slings two slices of cool bread into my face and leaves, not waiting for a response. I hand one to my student. Her tears change the consistency of her meal. I wipe her tears and squeeze her shoulder. "It'll be alright." She looks up at me with a child's optimism, "Really?" I smile, and in a fit of realism, respond, "I hope." For some reason, her tears dry and an old smile fills her face.
The next morning, after the worst night of sleep in my entire life, the smaller man enters. He throws two slices of bread on the floor as if we're pigs ready to pounce on slop. He begins to walk out of the shed.
"Wait. Sir."
"What kike?" He speaks quickly.
"Why are we here?"
"You know why, you Jew bastard."
"No sir, I don't. Why are we here?"
"Cletus says because you Jew fucks claim you were in concentration camps. But you Jews are liars. The Holocaust never happened."
"I still don't understand; why are we here?"
"You stupid Jew! Cletus says because we want to make an honest man out of you Jew turds. Understand now, idiot moron?"
"Yes. Thank you." The small man turns to leave, but I call out once more. "Wait." He turns slightly. "Do you like Hitler?"
He turns all the way to face me. "Well yes, of course!" His eyes are glowing with pride. "He did so many good things."
"Like what?" I ask with feigned innocent curiosity, hoping not to provoke him.
"Oh, well, so much. He killed so many dirty Jews. A great man. Too bad he didn't get a chance to kill them all."
"But sir," my hand is stroking my beard and I appear to be deep in thought as if I'm instantaneously discovering some great revelation, "You said the Holocaust never happened."
"It didn't, you lying Jew."
"But if the Holocaust didn't happen, then how can you claim Hitler killed so many Jews? That's exactly what the Holocaust is, Hitler's mass murder of the Jews."
The small man's lower jaw collapses. "Well... But... Cletus said... I... um..."
"You see sir, your beliefs don't make any sense."
"But... I... I... guess.... I guess... you're right," the last two words coming as his head falls.
"So you'll let us go?"
"Well, I guess I have to."
"Thanks." I pat him on the shoulder, wave for my student to come. She hasn't been listening. She sees my hand, perks up in amazement and races towards me. As I walk out of the door, I turn to the small man, who stands there, half the size he was two minutes before, and wink. I take my student's hand and we stride away from the shed, heads held high. "Do me a favor?" Her eyes stare with anticipation. "Don't joke around with Nazis anymore."
Showing posts with label neo-nazis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label neo-nazis. Show all posts
Monday, December 07, 2009
Monday, May 12, 2008
Ode to Timothy McVeigh
So we all know that killing mass amounts of people is bad. So is being a neo-nazi. But Tim McVeigh and his murderous actions have created some good.
- After the Oklahoma City bombings, the neo-nazi movement fractured, with moderate neo-nazis becoming disillusioned due to the killing of innocent civilians. Wait, what the hell is a "moderate neo-nazi"?
- Liberals have an easy punchline whenever a conservative says, "We must go after the terrorists and those who harbor them." In the words of Michael Franti, "Fight terrorists wherever they be found, but why you not bombing Tim McVeigh's hometown?"
- Tim McVeigh gives Arabs an easy counter-argument against racial profiling. Of course, so does the most rudimentary logic. If Mohamed Atta flies a plane into a building, that doesn't mean Casey Kasem is going to also!
- The Oklahoma City Bombing may have brought together militant Islamicists and American neo-nazis. Anything that brings together groups with seemingly nothing in common must be good.
- I got a post out of it.*
*Yeah, it might not be worth it. But what's done is done. Let's look at the bright side here.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
A Letter To My Fellow Neo-nazis
Dear fellow neo-nazis,
I am writing to all of my neo-nazi brothers and sisters to express my embarrassment at the current state of our movement. We have been marginalized, maligned, and maltreated, yet we have no defense. We just take it.
It appears to me that we neo-nazis don't accept anyone who has an education beyond the third grade. Most of our ilk cannot hold a decent conversation or make even the most basic reasoned argument. It fills me with a shame that I cannot put to words.
As a result, we follow leaders barely smarter than their dim followers. Bill Riccio is a perfect example of this phenomenon. We can only claim that he has any intellectual capacity because of the company he keeps. Charles Doles Jr. isn't dumber than a post, only because a human cannot be physically stupider than an inanimate object. I think Tom Metzger is functionally retarded. On the positive side, the vast majority of local leaders make white supremacists such as Matthew Hale and David Duke look like geniuses.
The situation in America has gotten very bad for us. Only a black man, a woman, or a John McCain could conceivably win the presidential election this year and we are defenseless to stop it. What if, for a running mate, one party picks a Jew and the other a Mexican? That would be a real slap in the face for us. For many reasons, we've fallen out of the mainstream of American life over the last 40 years. We've lost our historical prominence in a country founded by slave-owning white supremacists.
Partially, our tragic decline can be attributed to the extremely limited mental abilities of our members and our leaders. We often mistake a modicum of charisma for true leadership. Many of our members are, to put it bluntly, moronic rejects. We seem to be unable to appeal to anyone with any knowledge of anything. In fact, we supposedly promote the greatness of pure white skin and yet our ranks are filled with idiots covered in tattoos. How can we be proud of our white skin if we hide it? It's a bit hypocritical.
Another reason for our descent into irrelevance is due to the mainstream right employing a watered-down version of our message. Ronald Reagan began his 1980 presidential campaign in Philadelphia, Mississippi, talking about a return to American values. I'm guessing most of my neo-nazi brethren have lost me here, if any were smart enough to actually use a computer. Philadelphia, Mississippi was the city where three northern civil rights workers were killed in 1965, back in the good old days. Reagan constantly gave us coded messages offering to lead our movement, but we were too dumb to realize. This year, Huckabee and Paul divided our political support. We just can't seem to get things together.
My fellow neo-nazis and other white supremacists, the days ahead look dark and we don't seem to have a flashlight or know how to make one or where to buy one. I hope that in the coming years we can restore our prevalence in the realm of American politics and in the society at large. But I'm not so sure we can.
Sincerely,
Brother Ezekiah J.
I am writing to all of my neo-nazi brothers and sisters to express my embarrassment at the current state of our movement. We have been marginalized, maligned, and maltreated, yet we have no defense. We just take it.
It appears to me that we neo-nazis don't accept anyone who has an education beyond the third grade. Most of our ilk cannot hold a decent conversation or make even the most basic reasoned argument. It fills me with a shame that I cannot put to words.
As a result, we follow leaders barely smarter than their dim followers. Bill Riccio is a perfect example of this phenomenon. We can only claim that he has any intellectual capacity because of the company he keeps. Charles Doles Jr. isn't dumber than a post, only because a human cannot be physically stupider than an inanimate object. I think Tom Metzger is functionally retarded. On the positive side, the vast majority of local leaders make white supremacists such as Matthew Hale and David Duke look like geniuses.
The situation in America has gotten very bad for us. Only a black man, a woman, or a John McCain could conceivably win the presidential election this year and we are defenseless to stop it. What if, for a running mate, one party picks a Jew and the other a Mexican? That would be a real slap in the face for us. For many reasons, we've fallen out of the mainstream of American life over the last 40 years. We've lost our historical prominence in a country founded by slave-owning white supremacists.
Partially, our tragic decline can be attributed to the extremely limited mental abilities of our members and our leaders. We often mistake a modicum of charisma for true leadership. Many of our members are, to put it bluntly, moronic rejects. We seem to be unable to appeal to anyone with any knowledge of anything. In fact, we supposedly promote the greatness of pure white skin and yet our ranks are filled with idiots covered in tattoos. How can we be proud of our white skin if we hide it? It's a bit hypocritical.
Another reason for our descent into irrelevance is due to the mainstream right employing a watered-down version of our message. Ronald Reagan began his 1980 presidential campaign in Philadelphia, Mississippi, talking about a return to American values. I'm guessing most of my neo-nazi brethren have lost me here, if any were smart enough to actually use a computer. Philadelphia, Mississippi was the city where three northern civil rights workers were killed in 1965, back in the good old days. Reagan constantly gave us coded messages offering to lead our movement, but we were too dumb to realize. This year, Huckabee and Paul divided our political support. We just can't seem to get things together.
My fellow neo-nazis and other white supremacists, the days ahead look dark and we don't seem to have a flashlight or know how to make one or where to buy one. I hope that in the coming years we can restore our prevalence in the realm of American politics and in the society at large. But I'm not so sure we can.
Sincerely,
Brother Ezekiah J.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
John B. Kimble for Congress
John B. Kimble is a candidate for Maryland's 6th Congressional district. He has quickly become one of my favorite neo-nazis, although he goes by a different label: Republican.
Kimble states that, "I care about all people, regardless of race, creed, or religion." He claims that he is a member of the Southern Poverty Law Center. If that's all there was, he'd be a pretty good guy.
Unfortunately, it isn't. Kimble asserts, "We must maintain our racial solidarity to protect our European ancestry and American heritage." Say it ain't so Morris Dees!
Kimble promises that if elected, "I will introduce hate crimes legislation to protect all people, including caucasions, equally." After giving one example of a crime against a white victim by "people of non-white race," Kimble contends that, "These crimes suggest and seemingly demonstrate an onslaught against Christians and European Americans in our society." It's tough being a white Christian man. How do they do it? They're so courageous!
Kimble continues, "Under my hate crimes legislation, any interracial sexual assault, battery, or murder will automatically be a hate crime. This legislation will apply to all races and will not be one-sided as it is today." It's true, it is one-sided. Slavery was also one-sided. So were Jim Crow laws. You know what else is one-sided? The number of white people in positions of power in America.
Surprisingly, Kimble is not a fan of immigration. He wants to stop the "Latino invasion." He warns, "We must stop immigration... Our country is being invaded by people who allegedly come here for a better life, but they are coming here to take over. They are taking our jobs and ruining our culture." I can't tell you how many nights I couldn't fall asleep worrying that an immigrant would take my job, which is tutoring immigrants in English. Ok, maybe they won't take every job.
As for ruining our culture, that scares me the most. I want to return to a world where only the music of Pat Boone existed. Those were some "funky licks" that I could really "boogie" to. Oh shit, I ended a sentence with a preposition. Damn immigrants, look what they made me do.
Kimble wants background checks on everyone who enters the U.S. and ties it to a bill that would "amend the Constitution to allow only U.S.-born citizens with U.S.-born parents to vote in federal elections or become president of the United States." Well, my mom's many years of voting will be coming to an end. My paternal grandmother had a nice 70-year voting run, it had to stop sometime. He believes that a president with immigrant parents could lead to the over-throw of our government. George Washington and Barack Obama, go back to where your parents came from, if you want to be president.
Kimble was confronted by someone who wasn't white on the disproportionate toll the war in Iraq has been taking on people who aren't white. Kimble had an answer for that too, "I saw mostly Christian white guys getting killed" on television. Kimble is right. He has a state-of-the-art TV called Whitevision, where the screen goes blank if someone who isn't a white Christian appears. It's a shame, he's never even seen the Daily Show, not even the episode he was on. Kimble then stated, "It's a rich man's war." Poor Donald Rumsfeld, he (eventually) lost his job over the war. A tragedy really.
Kimble leaves us with a final, inspirational message: "We must do everything humanly possible to save our nation and [prevent] civil unrest as a result of too much diversity and immigration."
Well, at least he's an animal-lover.
Kimble states that, "I care about all people, regardless of race, creed, or religion." He claims that he is a member of the Southern Poverty Law Center. If that's all there was, he'd be a pretty good guy.
Unfortunately, it isn't. Kimble asserts, "We must maintain our racial solidarity to protect our European ancestry and American heritage." Say it ain't so Morris Dees!
Kimble promises that if elected, "I will introduce hate crimes legislation to protect all people, including caucasions, equally." After giving one example of a crime against a white victim by "people of non-white race," Kimble contends that, "These crimes suggest and seemingly demonstrate an onslaught against Christians and European Americans in our society." It's tough being a white Christian man. How do they do it? They're so courageous!
Kimble continues, "Under my hate crimes legislation, any interracial sexual assault, battery, or murder will automatically be a hate crime. This legislation will apply to all races and will not be one-sided as it is today." It's true, it is one-sided. Slavery was also one-sided. So were Jim Crow laws. You know what else is one-sided? The number of white people in positions of power in America.
Surprisingly, Kimble is not a fan of immigration. He wants to stop the "Latino invasion." He warns, "We must stop immigration... Our country is being invaded by people who allegedly come here for a better life, but they are coming here to take over. They are taking our jobs and ruining our culture." I can't tell you how many nights I couldn't fall asleep worrying that an immigrant would take my job, which is tutoring immigrants in English. Ok, maybe they won't take every job.
As for ruining our culture, that scares me the most. I want to return to a world where only the music of Pat Boone existed. Those were some "funky licks" that I could really "boogie" to. Oh shit, I ended a sentence with a preposition. Damn immigrants, look what they made me do.
Kimble wants background checks on everyone who enters the U.S. and ties it to a bill that would "amend the Constitution to allow only U.S.-born citizens with U.S.-born parents to vote in federal elections or become president of the United States." Well, my mom's many years of voting will be coming to an end. My paternal grandmother had a nice 70-year voting run, it had to stop sometime. He believes that a president with immigrant parents could lead to the over-throw of our government. George Washington and Barack Obama, go back to where your parents came from, if you want to be president.
Kimble was confronted by someone who wasn't white on the disproportionate toll the war in Iraq has been taking on people who aren't white. Kimble had an answer for that too, "I saw mostly Christian white guys getting killed" on television. Kimble is right. He has a state-of-the-art TV called Whitevision, where the screen goes blank if someone who isn't a white Christian appears. It's a shame, he's never even seen the Daily Show, not even the episode he was on. Kimble then stated, "It's a rich man's war." Poor Donald Rumsfeld, he (eventually) lost his job over the war. A tragedy really.
Kimble leaves us with a final, inspirational message: "We must do everything humanly possible to save our nation and [prevent] civil unrest as a result of too much diversity and immigration."
Well, at least he's an animal-lover.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Ten Favorite Neo-Nazis
Here is a list of my favorite Top 10 neo-nazis:
10. Tom Metzger - He's so racist that he carefully extracts all of the "colored" M&Ms and throws them away. Makes you wonder why he buys M&Ms at all.
9. William Pierce - There was a guy by the same name in my grad school. In fact I had a class with just him, me, and the professor. But that William Pierce wasn't a neo-nazi, didn't write the Turner Diaries, and could spell.
8. Robert Jay Matthews - He was a famed genius at multiplication, but only if one of the numbers was 1.
7. Richard Butler - He wasn't a real reverend, but he was a real behayme.
6. David Duke - Another Duke for people from Maryland to hate. He has pure white crabs in his pubic hair.
5. Timothy McVeigh - Despite the racial bias of the SAT, he still did worse than every black person who has ever taken the test.
4. Bob Heick - The original slogan of the White Aryan Resistance was "W.A.R. what is it good for? Absolutely nothing." The slogan was later changed.
3. Kevin Alfred Strom - He was arrested on charges of child pornography.
2. Matthew Hale - The overlooked protagonist in For the Love of Hate, The Riccio-Hale Story.
1. Bill Riccio - If you google Bill Riccio my story For the Love of Hate, The Riccio-Hale Story is on the first page! Go ahead, google Bill Riccio. Searches of Bill Riccio have accounted for about 40% of all of this site's traffic and that percentage is sure to go up now.
10. Tom Metzger - He's so racist that he carefully extracts all of the "colored" M&Ms and throws them away. Makes you wonder why he buys M&Ms at all.
9. William Pierce - There was a guy by the same name in my grad school. In fact I had a class with just him, me, and the professor. But that William Pierce wasn't a neo-nazi, didn't write the Turner Diaries, and could spell.
8. Robert Jay Matthews - He was a famed genius at multiplication, but only if one of the numbers was 1.
7. Richard Butler - He wasn't a real reverend, but he was a real behayme.
6. David Duke - Another Duke for people from Maryland to hate. He has pure white crabs in his pubic hair.
5. Timothy McVeigh - Despite the racial bias of the SAT, he still did worse than every black person who has ever taken the test.
4. Bob Heick - The original slogan of the White Aryan Resistance was "W.A.R. what is it good for? Absolutely nothing." The slogan was later changed.
3. Kevin Alfred Strom - He was arrested on charges of child pornography.
2. Matthew Hale - The overlooked protagonist in For the Love of Hate, The Riccio-Hale Story.
1. Bill Riccio - If you google Bill Riccio my story For the Love of Hate, The Riccio-Hale Story is on the first page! Go ahead, google Bill Riccio. Searches of Bill Riccio have accounted for about 40% of all of this site's traffic and that percentage is sure to go up now.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Where is Bill Riccio Now?
He's still in jail, dreaming about Matthew Hale and his ideology.
Chin up Bill. Stay strong and always remember this bit of wisdom: When god closes a jail cell, he opens up a butthole.
Chin up Bill. Stay strong and always remember this bit of wisdom: When god closes a jail cell, he opens up a butthole.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Fear of Color (and Jews) Part 2
Here's more from my conversation with prominent neo-nazis and various other bigots, both dead and alive.
We are in a conference room sitting at a round table.
Me: You know The George Michael Sports Machine went off the air. The last episode was Sunday.
Richard Butler: Eh, I didn't like that show, too many blacks.
William Pierce: I was never a big sports fan.
Robert Mathews: I liked the show. Sad to see it go. George Michael's alright.
Bill Riccio: Never watched it. I spend all my time watching clips of Hitler.
Rob: He was a big Dale Earnhardt fan.
Bill: Who, Hitler?
Rob: Nah, George Michael.
Me: I liked Dale Earnhardt. He was my favorite driver.
Rob: You liked Dale Earnhardt?
Me: Yeah.
Rob: But he's not a Jew or a black, how could you like him?
Me: I don't know, he was a tenacious driver who drove a cool black car. I don't really base my rooting interests on race or ethnicity.
Rob: Hmm. Dale Earnhardt, he was a helluva driver. Pure white and a mustache like a god.
Me: I liked his mustache as well. Very bushy.
Rob: I liked the bushiness of Dale Earnhardt's mustache too. (Pause the length of when you tell your Orthodox parents that you're gay) You know, you're not so bad... for an America-controlling Jew.
Robert Mathews gets up on his way out.
Me: Uh, well, thank you? I still think we may have a bit more to talk about. You should stay.
Rob: Sorry fella. Gotta meeting with the Association of Advanced Aryans (AAA), but I'll tell 'em about you.
Me: I couldn't imagine anything better for the continuation of my life.
Robert Mathews leaves.
Rich: I like that Danica Patrick. Mmm, I can just taste the whiteness.
Me: Yeah, she's attractive.
Will: This horny Jew-devil is gonna steal our white women.
Me: Yeah, that's right. You really have to worry about me "stealing" Danica Patrick away. Sure, on the off chance I ever see her in person, I'll be able to walk right up to her and she'll just fall for me. I hear she goes for short bitter hairy Jews.
Another pause, not as long, maybe enough for a little nosh.
David Duke: Thankfully the sports talk has ended. Now maybe we can get back to business. How about that, you satanic semite?
Me: Sure. We can talk about the use of slurs, sound good?
Will: My favorite for the Jew is the Omnipotent Money-Grabber.
Rich: I just call all 'em non-aryans, animals.
Dave: Omnipotent Money-Grabber, that's good, very poetic.
Bill: Well, I call Jews, those big nosed, stinky pantsed, um, jack-a-nin, I like to pitchfork them in the ass.
Will: Thanks David.
Me: What? No. I didn't mean your favorite slurs. I meant the negative impact of slurs on others. The fact that they are misrepresenting, slanderous, and wow that was terrible Bill. Big nosed, stinky pantsed, jack-a-ninny pitchfork ass? What the fuck is wrong with you.
Dave: All he does is watch clips of Hitler without subtitles and he can't speak German, what do you think is wrong with him?
Me: Good point Mr. Duke. But uh, any thoughts on the slur discussion?
Dave: I like William's.
Rich: Me too.
Me: What? We're not voting on the best slur. Oy, I need another break. Let's take five.
We are in a conference room sitting at a round table.
Me: You know The George Michael Sports Machine went off the air. The last episode was Sunday.
Richard Butler: Eh, I didn't like that show, too many blacks.
William Pierce: I was never a big sports fan.
Robert Mathews: I liked the show. Sad to see it go. George Michael's alright.
Bill Riccio: Never watched it. I spend all my time watching clips of Hitler.
Rob: He was a big Dale Earnhardt fan.
Bill: Who, Hitler?
Rob: Nah, George Michael.
Me: I liked Dale Earnhardt. He was my favorite driver.
Rob: You liked Dale Earnhardt?
Me: Yeah.
Rob: But he's not a Jew or a black, how could you like him?
Me: I don't know, he was a tenacious driver who drove a cool black car. I don't really base my rooting interests on race or ethnicity.
Rob: Hmm. Dale Earnhardt, he was a helluva driver. Pure white and a mustache like a god.
Me: I liked his mustache as well. Very bushy.
Rob: I liked the bushiness of Dale Earnhardt's mustache too. (Pause the length of when you tell your Orthodox parents that you're gay) You know, you're not so bad... for an America-controlling Jew.
Robert Mathews gets up on his way out.
Me: Uh, well, thank you? I still think we may have a bit more to talk about. You should stay.
Rob: Sorry fella. Gotta meeting with the Association of Advanced Aryans (AAA), but I'll tell 'em about you.
Me: I couldn't imagine anything better for the continuation of my life.
Robert Mathews leaves.
Rich: I like that Danica Patrick. Mmm, I can just taste the whiteness.
Me: Yeah, she's attractive.
Will: This horny Jew-devil is gonna steal our white women.
Me: Yeah, that's right. You really have to worry about me "stealing" Danica Patrick away. Sure, on the off chance I ever see her in person, I'll be able to walk right up to her and she'll just fall for me. I hear she goes for short bitter hairy Jews.
Another pause, not as long, maybe enough for a little nosh.
David Duke: Thankfully the sports talk has ended. Now maybe we can get back to business. How about that, you satanic semite?
Me: Sure. We can talk about the use of slurs, sound good?
Will: My favorite for the Jew is the Omnipotent Money-Grabber.
Rich: I just call all 'em non-aryans, animals.
Dave: Omnipotent Money-Grabber, that's good, very poetic.
Bill: Well, I call Jews, those big nosed, stinky pantsed, um, jack-a-nin, I like to pitchfork them in the ass.
Will: Thanks David.
Me: What? No. I didn't mean your favorite slurs. I meant the negative impact of slurs on others. The fact that they are misrepresenting, slanderous, and wow that was terrible Bill. Big nosed, stinky pantsed, jack-a-ninny pitchfork ass? What the fuck is wrong with you.
Dave: All he does is watch clips of Hitler without subtitles and he can't speak German, what do you think is wrong with him?
Me: Good point Mr. Duke. But uh, any thoughts on the slur discussion?
Dave: I like William's.
Rich: Me too.
Me: What? We're not voting on the best slur. Oy, I need another break. Let's take five.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
The Fear of Color (and Jews)
Here is my conversation with prominent neo-nazis and various other bigots, both dead and alive.
I am alone in a conference room, pacing back and forth.
Robert Mathews enters.
Me: Hey there Mr. Mathews.
Rob: Shut up kike.
Me: Alright then. (Muttering) Nice sunglasses, Ray Charles.
Richard Butler enters.
Me: Mr. Butler, welcome.
Rich: Get away from me, devil. (Pointing at me) SATAN!
Me: Lovely meeting you too.
Rich: Hello Robert my white brother.
Bill Riccio arrives.
Me: Hi there Mr. Riccio. Riccio, is that Italian?
Bill: What the fuck did this kike just say to me? I'll cut out your insides and eat them.
Me: Looks like someone missed snack time.
William Pierce enters.
Me: And here's the author of the Turner Diaries himself, Mr. Pierce. How are you?
Will: Fuck you Jew.
Me: Well, at least your grammar's improved since you wrote the Diaries.
Will: Me think you shut-up.
Me: Well said.
Here comes Timothy McVeigh.
Me: Shalom Mr. McVeigh.
McVeigh walks by with no sign of acknowledgement.
In walks David Duke.
Me: Hello Mr. Duke.
Dave: Hello.
Me: Mr. Duke, you were the only one to shake my hand thus far. Why?
Dave: Well, I like to be polite to my mortal enemies to give them a sense of complicity.
Me: How cute. (Everyone sits down at the round table) I'm glad you all could make it. Some of you have come from very far away, depending on one's view of the afterlife, and I'd like to welcome you. I'm excited to engage in a dialogue with you.
Rich: (Stands up slowly but urgently) Shut up you vile beast! White Jesus hates you. You will never be human and you must be wiped off the face of the earth.
Me: Alrighty then. I appreciate your enthusiasm Mr. Butler. Now you can please be seated.
Richard Butler sits down as he mumbles "verses" from "the bible" that he probably just made up.
Me: (Turns to Robert Mathews) Mr. Mathews, where does your hatred for non-whites come from?
Rob: Comes from in here (points to his heart).
Me: I see.
Will: Can I say something here?
Me: Sure. Go ahead Mr. Pierce.
Will: I hate Jews. They control the government. They make things bad for white people. We should blow up the government, like the people in my books. But I'm not advocating blowing up the government.
Me: Ok. Mr. Pierce, you say that Jews control the government. I believe that is an erroneous accusation. What is your source?
Will: My books and my daddy.
Me: Clearly incontrovertable evidence right there.
George W. Bush saunters in.
Me: (Stands up to greet him) Mr. President, welcome.
George: (Shakes my hand) Howdy Beardy.
George Bush leaves.
Rob: Damn politicians.
Dave: Was that a crack at me, Mr. Sunglasses? You're indoors dumbass, take them off!
Rob: (Standing up, fists a'ready) You want some up this, sell out?
Me: Please guys, take your seats. This is not your homes. Let's have a civilized discussion here.
Bill: The piece of Jew-shit is right. We're white. We should be the pillars of civilization. We should represent the good humanity has to offer. Now, who wants to kill some Mexicans after this?
Me: Um, hmm. How about we take a five minute break.
Join us next time for: The Fear of Color (and Jews)
I am alone in a conference room, pacing back and forth.
Robert Mathews enters.
Me: Hey there Mr. Mathews.
Rob: Shut up kike.
Me: Alright then. (Muttering) Nice sunglasses, Ray Charles.
Richard Butler enters.
Me: Mr. Butler, welcome.
Rich: Get away from me, devil. (Pointing at me) SATAN!
Me: Lovely meeting you too.
Rich: Hello Robert my white brother.
Bill Riccio arrives.
Me: Hi there Mr. Riccio. Riccio, is that Italian?
Bill: What the fuck did this kike just say to me? I'll cut out your insides and eat them.
Me: Looks like someone missed snack time.
William Pierce enters.
Me: And here's the author of the Turner Diaries himself, Mr. Pierce. How are you?
Will: Fuck you Jew.
Me: Well, at least your grammar's improved since you wrote the Diaries.
Will: Me think you shut-up.
Me: Well said.
Here comes Timothy McVeigh.
Me: Shalom Mr. McVeigh.
McVeigh walks by with no sign of acknowledgement.
In walks David Duke.
Me: Hello Mr. Duke.
Dave: Hello.
Me: Mr. Duke, you were the only one to shake my hand thus far. Why?
Dave: Well, I like to be polite to my mortal enemies to give them a sense of complicity.
Me: How cute. (Everyone sits down at the round table) I'm glad you all could make it. Some of you have come from very far away, depending on one's view of the afterlife, and I'd like to welcome you. I'm excited to engage in a dialogue with you.
Rich: (Stands up slowly but urgently) Shut up you vile beast! White Jesus hates you. You will never be human and you must be wiped off the face of the earth.
Me: Alrighty then. I appreciate your enthusiasm Mr. Butler. Now you can please be seated.
Richard Butler sits down as he mumbles "verses" from "the bible" that he probably just made up.
Me: (Turns to Robert Mathews) Mr. Mathews, where does your hatred for non-whites come from?
Rob: Comes from in here (points to his heart).
Me: I see.
Will: Can I say something here?
Me: Sure. Go ahead Mr. Pierce.
Will: I hate Jews. They control the government. They make things bad for white people. We should blow up the government, like the people in my books. But I'm not advocating blowing up the government.
Me: Ok. Mr. Pierce, you say that Jews control the government. I believe that is an erroneous accusation. What is your source?
Will: My books and my daddy.
Me: Clearly incontrovertable evidence right there.
George W. Bush saunters in.
Me: (Stands up to greet him) Mr. President, welcome.
George: (Shakes my hand) Howdy Beardy.
George Bush leaves.
Rob: Damn politicians.
Dave: Was that a crack at me, Mr. Sunglasses? You're indoors dumbass, take them off!
Rob: (Standing up, fists a'ready) You want some up this, sell out?
Me: Please guys, take your seats. This is not your homes. Let's have a civilized discussion here.
Bill: The piece of Jew-shit is right. We're white. We should be the pillars of civilization. We should represent the good humanity has to offer. Now, who wants to kill some Mexicans after this?
Me: Um, hmm. How about we take a five minute break.
Join us next time for: The Fear of Color (and Jews)
Friday, February 09, 2007
The Neo-Nazi Threat
Friends and family members have asked me to stop my incessant badgering of neo-nazis. They want me to stop posting disparaging remarks towards them on my site and cease posting mocking messages on theirs. My friends and family are not sympathetic to the neo-nazi cause, they just fear for my safety. They say that somehow the neo-nazis can track me down.
Eh, I'm not scared.
I welcome the neo-nazis. I would love to talk to you and I've even taken classes on how to speak Ree-tard, your native language. I want to know why you hate. Is it the red necks? Sunscreen will take care of that. Maybe talking to a Jew will change your minds. Sometimes I can be a bit of a sarcastic schmuck, but for the most part I'm a pretty nice guy. I can make matzos ball soup and latkes. This time I ask that you ring the doorbell instead of spray-painting swastikas. Come at night, I'm cranky in the morning.
Eh, I'm not scared.
I welcome the neo-nazis. I would love to talk to you and I've even taken classes on how to speak Ree-tard, your native language. I want to know why you hate. Is it the red necks? Sunscreen will take care of that. Maybe talking to a Jew will change your minds. Sometimes I can be a bit of a sarcastic schmuck, but for the most part I'm a pretty nice guy. I can make matzos ball soup and latkes. This time I ask that you ring the doorbell instead of spray-painting swastikas. Come at night, I'm cranky in the morning.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Donald, The Reluctant Neo-Nazi
A group of neo-nazis were hanging out, circle jerking it to Hitler on the History Channel. They finished up, cleaned up, and pulled their pants up.
Then the group of neo-nazis said, "Let's go kill some black people. Yeah, let's kill those ni..." That's when Donald chimed in, "Um, excuse me guys, hi, yeah, could you not say that word; it bothers me. It's offensive."
The neo-nazis' jaws dropped, "WHAT?"
"The n-word makes me uncomfortable guys. It's hurtful. I'm all for white supremacy, but not if it's going to offend people," Donald clarified.
"What the fuck?" The neo-nazis were stupefied. 'The audacity of this man,' they would have thought if they weren't so retarded. They didn't know what to do, so they decided to do what neo-nazis always do: they kicked the shit out of Donald and then each had sex with their own sister.
Donald went home disillusioned. That night he fell asleep yanking it to his tape recordings of Ronald Reagan. Ok, so maybe he wasn't that disillusioned.
I was also thinking about calling this "Donald, The Neo-Nazi Who Once Took an Ethnic Studies Class in College" but it's too long.
Then the group of neo-nazis said, "Let's go kill some black people. Yeah, let's kill those ni..." That's when Donald chimed in, "Um, excuse me guys, hi, yeah, could you not say that word; it bothers me. It's offensive."
The neo-nazis' jaws dropped, "WHAT?"
"The n-word makes me uncomfortable guys. It's hurtful. I'm all for white supremacy, but not if it's going to offend people," Donald clarified.
"What the fuck?" The neo-nazis were stupefied. 'The audacity of this man,' they would have thought if they weren't so retarded. They didn't know what to do, so they decided to do what neo-nazis always do: they kicked the shit out of Donald and then each had sex with their own sister.
Donald went home disillusioned. That night he fell asleep yanking it to his tape recordings of Ronald Reagan. Ok, so maybe he wasn't that disillusioned.
I was also thinking about calling this "Donald, The Neo-Nazi Who Once Took an Ethnic Studies Class in College" but it's too long.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
For The Love Of Hate: The Riccio-Hale Story
A group of charismatic opinionated leaders gathered for the National Konvention for Koncerned Kaucasians (N-KKK) . Unbeknownst to the rest of the members, emotions were brewing between two participants.
The eyes of Bill Riccio, a member of Birmingham's KKK among other groups, kept wandering the room hoping to catch the eyes of another. Bill wished that Matthew Hale, the leader of the Creativity Movement, would speak. It would be an excuse to stare at those luscious lips and gaze into those heavenly eyes.
What Bill didn't know was that the same emotions were welling up in Matt's body. Their eyes searched the room, always with the intent of eventually reaching each other. Then Matt spoke, giving a particularly heinous anti-gay speech as Bill's heart fluttered, his male anatomy extending with anticipation. Matt was done; Bill forced himself to look away.
Then the moment happened. Their eyes met. Their probably blue eyes locked and their lives would never be the same.
After the conference ended, Bill timed it so that he would accidentally bump into Matt. His nerves made his bosom jiggle. Bill's shoulder scraped Matt's back. Matt turned and was shocked; there before his eyes was the epitome of beauty, Bill Riccio.
Bill tried to say something, anything, but his throat had gone dry, "Um.. I loved your speech about [anti-black slur]."
"Oh, thanks. You really stuck it to those [several anti-Jew slurs in a row]. I loved the way you showed how they [anti-Jew rhetoric] and use that money to help those [anti-black slurs] and promote a [anti-gay slur] lifestyle," Matt complimented.
Bill was overcome with glee. He attempted to compose himself. "Coming from you, that means a lot."
"Well it's the truth," Matt replied, "Do you... I don't know... want to get together sometime? You know, to talk about the movement, I mean."
Bill could hardly contain himself. "Of course. I want to! Uh, to talk about the movement."
Life is hard and lonely for today's vicious racist. It seems that no one understands their struggle. This was a feeling that Matt and Bill knew all too well. They could sense the empathy of each other's eyes. They scheduled to meet three weeks after the N-KKK. Bill thought about the forthcoming meeting everyday. Matt was confused at first. He knew homosexuality was wrong. But this truth seemed less certain now. He couldn't fight this urge. He had to let his inhibitions go. Waking up to thoughts of Bill, Matt slowly moved his hand southward and began imagining that it was Bill's hand instead. If only.
The day of the meeting arrived. Matt washed his body vigorously in his hotel room, hoping with good reason. Bill couldn't wait to meet his mentor. He noticed that his penis had seemed to wake up from a deep slumber over the previous three weeks. Bill wasn't sure what the sudden awakening was about. But he knew he wanted to see the man who had sparked his love of hating different groups of people, Matthew Hale.
"Hey Bill. Great place you got here. Really conducive for cultivating a pure white culture."
"Thanks Matt. New haircut? Very Hitler-like." Both men's hearts raced. Blood ran to places that they wouldn't have expected one short month before. Bill was looking forward to discussing white power, but pleasant, yet unwelcome images of Matt in all his naked glory kept creeping into his head. Matt wasn't sure how to profess his attraction for Bill. He understood the consequences of his feelings for Bill, but he was a slave to his heart.
They sat across from each other at a table and attempted to get down to business. "So the [anti-Muslim slur] is attempting to infiltrate this white country," Matt remarked, praying that his ankle would touch Bill's under the table. Bill tried to concentrate, but Matt's pure vanilla face looked so delicious. "Yeah, the [anti-gay slur, even though he was referring to Muslims] are the new [anti-black slur]. Now they own stores like the [anti-Chinese slur, but I think he meant an anti-Korean slur. I'm just saying, you don't know the context, I do]." Their legs accidentally touched and both were in ecstasy. Bill still fought his urges.
Before they knew what happened, they were holding hands, conversing about having sex with pure white women. Matt scooted his chair next to Bill on his left. Bill was conflicted. His heart jumped out of his chest and into Matt's body, but his head knew this was wrong. He felt awkward. Vulnerable to Matt's advances. Matt reached over with his left and placed his hand on Bill's thigh. Matt stroked it with his index finger while whispering that the Holocaust never happened [yet they worship Hitler for killing so many Jews, I don't get that], periodically blowing into Bill's ear. Bill began playing with the back of Matt's left hand. Matt's right hand began rubbing Bill's back, occasionally slipping below. Bill felt the battle between his throbbing stick of white pride and his anti-gay heritage. He wished he didn't want it. Or he wished he could simply let go and allow Matt to lick his body like a horse with a sugar cube.
Matt moved his hand up Bill's thigh, and slowly reached glory. After a few seconds of delight, Bill stood up, his erection clearly apparent. "I can't do this Matt. I'm sorry. I'm not a [anti-gay slur] like those [anti-Jew slur]. It's not right."
Matt stood up slowly, compassionately. He placed his hands on Bill's shoulders and hugged him. They then stared into each other's eyes. "Bill, you know we can't fight it. You have to do what's in your white heart. Listen to your Aryan heart my brother." Then Matt moved closer to Bill. Their lips touched ever so slightly. And Matt moved away. Before he could get far, Bill grabbed him and their tongues swirled around each other. They exchanged white saliva for over a minute, moving their hands up and down each other’s bodies, exploring like a puppy in a new surrounding.
First Matt took off his shirt and then he freed Bill of his. And well, you get the picture. They had sex.
The eyes of Bill Riccio, a member of Birmingham's KKK among other groups, kept wandering the room hoping to catch the eyes of another. Bill wished that Matthew Hale, the leader of the Creativity Movement, would speak. It would be an excuse to stare at those luscious lips and gaze into those heavenly eyes.
What Bill didn't know was that the same emotions were welling up in Matt's body. Their eyes searched the room, always with the intent of eventually reaching each other. Then Matt spoke, giving a particularly heinous anti-gay speech as Bill's heart fluttered, his male anatomy extending with anticipation. Matt was done; Bill forced himself to look away.
Then the moment happened. Their eyes met. Their probably blue eyes locked and their lives would never be the same.
After the conference ended, Bill timed it so that he would accidentally bump into Matt. His nerves made his bosom jiggle. Bill's shoulder scraped Matt's back. Matt turned and was shocked; there before his eyes was the epitome of beauty, Bill Riccio.
Bill tried to say something, anything, but his throat had gone dry, "Um.. I loved your speech about [anti-black slur]."
"Oh, thanks. You really stuck it to those [several anti-Jew slurs in a row]. I loved the way you showed how they [anti-Jew rhetoric] and use that money to help those [anti-black slurs] and promote a [anti-gay slur] lifestyle," Matt complimented.
Bill was overcome with glee. He attempted to compose himself. "Coming from you, that means a lot."
"Well it's the truth," Matt replied, "Do you... I don't know... want to get together sometime? You know, to talk about the movement, I mean."
Bill could hardly contain himself. "Of course. I want to! Uh, to talk about the movement."
Life is hard and lonely for today's vicious racist. It seems that no one understands their struggle. This was a feeling that Matt and Bill knew all too well. They could sense the empathy of each other's eyes. They scheduled to meet three weeks after the N-KKK. Bill thought about the forthcoming meeting everyday. Matt was confused at first. He knew homosexuality was wrong. But this truth seemed less certain now. He couldn't fight this urge. He had to let his inhibitions go. Waking up to thoughts of Bill, Matt slowly moved his hand southward and began imagining that it was Bill's hand instead. If only.
The day of the meeting arrived. Matt washed his body vigorously in his hotel room, hoping with good reason. Bill couldn't wait to meet his mentor. He noticed that his penis had seemed to wake up from a deep slumber over the previous three weeks. Bill wasn't sure what the sudden awakening was about. But he knew he wanted to see the man who had sparked his love of hating different groups of people, Matthew Hale.
"Hey Bill. Great place you got here. Really conducive for cultivating a pure white culture."
"Thanks Matt. New haircut? Very Hitler-like." Both men's hearts raced. Blood ran to places that they wouldn't have expected one short month before. Bill was looking forward to discussing white power, but pleasant, yet unwelcome images of Matt in all his naked glory kept creeping into his head. Matt wasn't sure how to profess his attraction for Bill. He understood the consequences of his feelings for Bill, but he was a slave to his heart.
They sat across from each other at a table and attempted to get down to business. "So the [anti-Muslim slur] is attempting to infiltrate this white country," Matt remarked, praying that his ankle would touch Bill's under the table. Bill tried to concentrate, but Matt's pure vanilla face looked so delicious. "Yeah, the [anti-gay slur, even though he was referring to Muslims] are the new [anti-black slur]. Now they own stores like the [anti-Chinese slur, but I think he meant an anti-Korean slur. I'm just saying, you don't know the context, I do]." Their legs accidentally touched and both were in ecstasy. Bill still fought his urges.
Before they knew what happened, they were holding hands, conversing about having sex with pure white women. Matt scooted his chair next to Bill on his left. Bill was conflicted. His heart jumped out of his chest and into Matt's body, but his head knew this was wrong. He felt awkward. Vulnerable to Matt's advances. Matt reached over with his left and placed his hand on Bill's thigh. Matt stroked it with his index finger while whispering that the Holocaust never happened [yet they worship Hitler for killing so many Jews, I don't get that], periodically blowing into Bill's ear. Bill began playing with the back of Matt's left hand. Matt's right hand began rubbing Bill's back, occasionally slipping below. Bill felt the battle between his throbbing stick of white pride and his anti-gay heritage. He wished he didn't want it. Or he wished he could simply let go and allow Matt to lick his body like a horse with a sugar cube.
Matt moved his hand up Bill's thigh, and slowly reached glory. After a few seconds of delight, Bill stood up, his erection clearly apparent. "I can't do this Matt. I'm sorry. I'm not a [anti-gay slur] like those [anti-Jew slur]. It's not right."
Matt stood up slowly, compassionately. He placed his hands on Bill's shoulders and hugged him. They then stared into each other's eyes. "Bill, you know we can't fight it. You have to do what's in your white heart. Listen to your Aryan heart my brother." Then Matt moved closer to Bill. Their lips touched ever so slightly. And Matt moved away. Before he could get far, Bill grabbed him and their tongues swirled around each other. They exchanged white saliva for over a minute, moving their hands up and down each other’s bodies, exploring like a puppy in a new surrounding.
First Matt took off his shirt and then he freed Bill of his. And well, you get the picture. They had sex.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Neo-Cons vs Neo-Nazis
Let's compare and contrast neo-conservatives and neo-nazis.
Leader:
neo-cons: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, the rest of the administration.
neo-nazis: Don't really know, maybe David Duke, Matthew Hale, or Hurricane Katrina.
What the "neo" means:
neo-cons: not at all
neo-nazis: white trash rejects
Their method of operation:
neo-cons: neo-imperialism
neo-nazis: neo-smashing folding chairs on each other's heads screaming "WE ARE CIVILIZED!"
Their goal:
neo-cons: Americanizing everything for the purpose of profit.
neo-nazis: Whitening everything because of fear and hate.
Their view on Jews:
neo-cons: For the one's that aren't Jewish- using Jews as pawns in their little Middle East game.
neo-nazis: is scary
Their view on blacks:
neo-cons: For the one that isn't black- they hate them.
neo-nazis: They hate them.
Feelings on the Daily Show:
neo-cons: Makes them nervous.
neo-nazis: Not a fan.
Views on the Middle East:
neo-cons: Want it to be America Junior.
neo-nazis: Indiana's ok, but Ohio has too many minorities.
Thoughts on crazy ideologues:
neo-cons: They're cool.
neo-nazis: Gotta love 'em.
Reaction to me:
neo-cons: Terrorist.
neo-nazis: Kill. Kill. Kill.
Hitler's Thoughts on each:
neo-cons: I like the expanding of cultural influence part. But what's the deal with this covert white supremacism? It's pretty cowardly. And can we get rid of Rice and Wolfowitz? Overall, I give it a B+.
neo-nazis: Shame really. Acht crap!
I hope this clears up some things.
This is for scholarly use only. It is not a hate post.
Leader:
neo-cons: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, the rest of the administration.
neo-nazis: Don't really know, maybe David Duke, Matthew Hale, or Hurricane Katrina.
What the "neo" means:
neo-cons: not at all
neo-nazis: white trash rejects
Their method of operation:
neo-cons: neo-imperialism
neo-nazis: neo-smashing folding chairs on each other's heads screaming "WE ARE CIVILIZED!"
Their goal:
neo-cons: Americanizing everything for the purpose of profit.
neo-nazis: Whitening everything because of fear and hate.
Their view on Jews:
neo-cons: For the one's that aren't Jewish- using Jews as pawns in their little Middle East game.
neo-nazis: is scary
Their view on blacks:
neo-cons: For the one that isn't black- they hate them.
neo-nazis: They hate them.
Feelings on the Daily Show:
neo-cons: Makes them nervous.
neo-nazis: Not a fan.
Views on the Middle East:
neo-cons: Want it to be America Junior.
neo-nazis: Indiana's ok, but Ohio has too many minorities.
Thoughts on crazy ideologues:
neo-cons: They're cool.
neo-nazis: Gotta love 'em.
Reaction to me:
neo-cons: Terrorist.
neo-nazis: Kill. Kill. Kill.
Hitler's Thoughts on each:
neo-cons: I like the expanding of cultural influence part. But what's the deal with this covert white supremacism? It's pretty cowardly. And can we get rid of Rice and Wolfowitz? Overall, I give it a B+.
neo-nazis: Shame really. Acht crap!
I hope this clears up some things.
This is for scholarly use only. It is not a hate post.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The Real Neo-Nazi Story
Ok, ok. Here is the real story of the neo-Nazis who got lost attempting to counter-protest the Immigrant rally in Hamilton, Ohio. It's just as funny.
Cut and paste the first line, then the rest of the link:
http://www.miamistudent.net/media/storage/paper776/news/
Cut and paste the first line, then the rest of the link:
http://www.miamistudent.net/media/storage/paper776/news/
2006/04/14/FrontPage/Group.Of.Nazis.March.Around.Campus-1851913.shtml?norewrite200604190202&sourcedomain=www.miamistudent.net
"We are douchebags!" chanted a group of 'tards on April 10, 2006.
(Oops, sorry mentally disabled people, didn't mean to insult you.)
That reminded me of a show on VH1 on Hatecore Rock that I saw a few years ago. These gentlemen explained that they hate colored people because they're uncivilized barbarians. Then the music came on and they proceeded to smash folding chairs on each other's heads while marching in a circle screaming "WE ARE CIVILIZED!" Suck on it Hitler.
I wish my grandparents were alive to see these new Nazis. They'd be proud of their Jew-devil grandchildren: the teacher, the writer, the historian, and the I-don't-remember-what-my-oldest-cousin-does-but-it's-something-good.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
A Dream Deferred
A developing story that the Times is following revolves around the pro-Immigration rally that took place across the United States of America this past Monday.
A rally was held in Hamilton, located in western Ohio, which contains a large immigrant population. A group of neo-Nazis attempted to counter-protest. It didn't work out so well. They got lost and wound up in Oxford, Ohio, a college town that houses Miami University. The neo-Nazis decided that they were close enough and began counter-protesting, despite the fact that there was no rally taking place on Miami's campus.
The neo-Nazis didn't use Map Quest, because they would have had to call an Indian IT in order to fix their web browser back at the farm. Had they stopped at a gas station and asked for directions, "We were 'fraid we might run into color'd folk. We get a lil' nervous around them," Bubba Lexington, the Minister of Hating Mexicans, explained.
On deciding to 'move' the location of the counter-protest, the Secretary of Wishes He Could Lynch Black People But Instead Just Jerks Off In His 1987 Chevy To Pictures From A Magazine That He Found In The Trash, Billy Joe Bob Rae, enumerated, "We keeped makin' left turns and endin' up on Main Street, so we decided to just say fuck it and have the rally here. Those filthy immigrants got the point, go back to your country. Aaron Heilman Hitler!"
Some have suggested that the neo-Nazis had trouble reading the street signs because English is not their first language. Those same people then usually realize that English is the neo-Nazis first language, but generally not the first language of the immigrants who were able to find the rally with ease.
"We are here because of freedom! The freedom to hate m'norities. Particu'ly Jews in my case," exclaimed Skinny McDouchebag, the enthusiastic leader of the Baldhead Initiative, a program name that he did not come up with all by himself, while holding a sign that read "Hate Conquers All."
The neo-Nazis paraded up and down Main Street, screaming at immigrants, as a confused, almost totally white, student body walked to their classes in entertained bewilderment. "Is it that Jewish Halloween or something?" asked an obviously high sophomore student.
When asked about the incident, the ghost of Adolph Hitler spouted, “What the fuck is this? What kind of hillbilly, white trash, ‘tards picked up my philosophies? This sucks, dawg. Where’s my knish?”
Miami University's president could not be reached for comment.
A rally was held in Hamilton, located in western Ohio, which contains a large immigrant population. A group of neo-Nazis attempted to counter-protest. It didn't work out so well. They got lost and wound up in Oxford, Ohio, a college town that houses Miami University. The neo-Nazis decided that they were close enough and began counter-protesting, despite the fact that there was no rally taking place on Miami's campus.
The neo-Nazis didn't use Map Quest, because they would have had to call an Indian IT in order to fix their web browser back at the farm. Had they stopped at a gas station and asked for directions, "We were 'fraid we might run into color'd folk. We get a lil' nervous around them," Bubba Lexington, the Minister of Hating Mexicans, explained.
On deciding to 'move' the location of the counter-protest, the Secretary of Wishes He Could Lynch Black People But Instead Just Jerks Off In His 1987 Chevy To Pictures From A Magazine That He Found In The Trash, Billy Joe Bob Rae, enumerated, "We keeped makin' left turns and endin' up on Main Street, so we decided to just say fuck it and have the rally here. Those filthy immigrants got the point, go back to your country. Aaron Heilman Hitler!"
Some have suggested that the neo-Nazis had trouble reading the street signs because English is not their first language. Those same people then usually realize that English is the neo-Nazis first language, but generally not the first language of the immigrants who were able to find the rally with ease.
"We are here because of freedom! The freedom to hate m'norities. Particu'ly Jews in my case," exclaimed Skinny McDouchebag, the enthusiastic leader of the Baldhead Initiative, a program name that he did not come up with all by himself, while holding a sign that read "Hate Conquers All."
The neo-Nazis paraded up and down Main Street, screaming at immigrants, as a confused, almost totally white, student body walked to their classes in entertained bewilderment. "Is it that Jewish Halloween or something?" asked an obviously high sophomore student.
When asked about the incident, the ghost of Adolph Hitler spouted, “What the fuck is this? What kind of hillbilly, white trash, ‘tards picked up my philosophies? This sucks, dawg. Where’s my knish?”
Miami University's president could not be reached for comment.
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