A developing story that the Times is following revolves around the pro-Immigration rally that took place across the United States of America this past Monday.
A rally was held in Hamilton, located in western Ohio, which contains a large immigrant population. A group of neo-Nazis attempted to counter-protest. It didn't work out so well. They got lost and wound up in Oxford, Ohio, a college town that houses Miami University. The neo-Nazis decided that they were close enough and began counter-protesting, despite the fact that there was no rally taking place on Miami's campus.
The neo-Nazis didn't use Map Quest, because they would have had to call an Indian IT in order to fix their web browser back at the farm. Had they stopped at a gas station and asked for directions, "We were 'fraid we might run into color'd folk. We get a lil' nervous around them," Bubba Lexington, the Minister of Hating Mexicans, explained.
On deciding to 'move' the location of the counter-protest, the Secretary of Wishes He Could Lynch Black People But Instead Just Jerks Off In His 1987 Chevy To Pictures From A Magazine That He Found In The Trash, Billy Joe Bob Rae, enumerated, "We keeped makin' left turns and endin' up on Main Street, so we decided to just say fuck it and have the rally here. Those filthy immigrants got the point, go back to your country. Aaron Heilman Hitler!"
Some have suggested that the neo-Nazis had trouble reading the street signs because English is not their first language. Those same people then usually realize that English is the neo-Nazis first language, but generally not the first language of the immigrants who were able to find the rally with ease.
"We are here because of freedom! The freedom to hate m'norities. Particu'ly Jews in my case," exclaimed Skinny McDouchebag, the enthusiastic leader of the Baldhead Initiative, a program name that he did not come up with all by himself, while holding a sign that read "Hate Conquers All."
The neo-Nazis paraded up and down Main Street, screaming at immigrants, as a confused, almost totally white, student body walked to their classes in entertained bewilderment. "Is it that Jewish Halloween or something?" asked an obviously high sophomore student.
When asked about the incident, the ghost of Adolph Hitler spouted, “What the fuck is this? What kind of hillbilly, white trash, ‘tards picked up my philosophies? This sucks, dawg. Where’s my knish?”
Miami University's president could not be reached for comment.
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