Gun Debate

In the wake of another shooting tragedy, some have said that arming everyone will give us protection against situations like this. I totally agree. If everyone had a concealed weapon on them, what could go wrong? We would all be safe. My main concern is keeping my very emotional family safe. And having guns in the house is definitely the best way to achieve that end.

If everyone was armed, image what would happen if Joey Crawford ever bumped into Tim Duncan at a comedy club. Duncan would think twice before laughing. Yesterday at Fenway Park, one fan taunted another for eating pizza at a baseball game. When a foul ball came at the taunter, the pizza eater threw his slice at the bully and it hit him on the shoulder and neck. It was a nice throw, topping-side up, especially since pizza slices are hard to grip. But if I may say so, I would never make fun of someone for eating pizza at a baseball game. I would also never eat pizza at a baseball game because I don't have the money. But if I could ever afford a $10 slice of pizza, I would have enough to throw it at someone who was making fun of me for eating it.

Now, imagine if we put guns into that situation. It would certainly have been a different, safer story.

No matter what anyone tells you, arming everyone is the way to be safe. Guns don't kill people, people kill people (it's best not to think about that one too hard). Just give me a gun to keep in my car and don't even think about cutting me off. Don't tell me the Knicks suck, you didn't like the movie Rocky, anything anti-Semitic, or you don't have mustard in your restaurant either. What kind of fucking restaurant doesn't have mustard? You have turkey sandwiches, you better damn well have mustard you fucking assholes. AHHHHHHH! SUPPORT THE NRA.

My New Anti-Gay Group

I want to start an anti-gay organization. I'd call it something like Families Against the Gay Agenda.

Then I'd have a change of heart, but keep the same name. That way, gay rights activists can say things like, "Even FAGA supports legislation banning discrimination based on sexual preference," or "even the most anti-gay group in America, FAGA, now supports gay marriage."

Happy Columbus Day!

I went driving today in search of riches. After a long trip, I finally found a house on Land Ho Street. The house was beige with brown shutters and a small porch in the front. There was a plum tree in the front and a pine tree on the left side of the driveway.

I spotted a plasma television in the window and a family of 5 watching Survivor: Racist Edition. I was so happy to find the plasma tv. I rang the bell and they opened the door. Then I murdered them and stole their shit.

In fact, I'm in the house right now. This hi-speed connection is wonderful. I'm just glad the Lord chose me to discover this house. Now I'm going to convert the two cats to Christianity.

Yo Voté

About a week ago, I voted in the Maryland primaries. After voting, I received a sticker with the words "Yo Voté" on it. Was this some kind of alien language? The sticker could have said "My mother's a whore" for all I know. I felt threatened.

Pepe, a small Mexican boy that I keep locked up in my basement until he realizes that "v" and "b" are two different letters and make two different sounds, told me that the strange letters formed a language known as Spanish.

Spanish is taking over our lives. It's on our voting stickers, it's on our Taco Bell menus (well, sort of), it's on our two Spanish-language tv stations, and I even heard a public announcement in Spanish while waiting for the metro once. It's everywhere in America, and I, for one, don't like it.

Now some may say that if I had looked 1/16 of an inch (I measured) above the words "Yo Voté" on my sticker, I would have noticed the words "I voted" just below an ostentation picture of the American flag. But I'm a busy man, I don't have time to adjust my eyesight ever-so-slightly, I got things to do (lay on the couch) and people to see (on tv).

As for that Spanish message at the metro station, some may claim that it was simply repeating the message already announced in English and to help people who are more comfortable with Spanish than English. But, what if it was a secret code telling the Spanish-speakers to kill all us true Americans? Yeah, not so harmless now, is it?

So, please, let's take "Yo Voté" off our voting stickers. I would like to understand the writing on my shirt (accept for the shirt that I bought in China, containing Chinese writing that almost certainly calls me a douche). And let's get Spanish out of our country. I'm with Lou Dobbs here, America is not a place for immigrants!

P.C. Police

The Beltway sniper John Allen Muhammad was a US army veteran of the first gulf war.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!!!

I'm Still Behind My President

Just because George W. Bush values the lives of black and brown people less than those of whites doesn't make him a bigoted racist. Just because he considers the value of whites' lives superior doesn't mean he's a white supremacist.

One myth is that Mr. Bush didn't do everything in his power to save the people of New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina because many of those people are black. That's totally false! He didn't do anything because many of those people are not white. Mr. Bush doesn't see your skin color, he only sees what your skin color is not.

Also, Mr. Bush is not a bigoted racist because he didn't come to the aid of non-black groups of people before, during, and after Hurricane Katrina as well. He didn't save some white people living in Mississippi because they were poor. I mean, it's very simple logic here.

Immigration is really an easy issue to disprove Mr. Bush's bigoted racism. He doesn't want Mexican immigrants to get rid of their skin color. That's ridiculous. He just wants you to get rid of any semblance of your culture because he believes it's inferior to WASP culture. Where's the racism in that?

The war in Iraq has nothing to do with race either. Iraqis' lives are just as important as those of Americans. Any conservative knows that. They can estimate to within 1,000 the number of American lives lost. But they can also do the same for Iraqi lives lost (without looking at my post giving those tragic numbers)... even though the American military doesn't even really know the number. But Mr. Bush correctly figures that no one cares, Iraqis are brown people and are not Christian. Doesn't make him a bigoted racist.

Wait... what does bigoted racist mean?

I Am Not Pro-Choice!

Dear Pro-Lifers,

We are not pro-choice; we are pro-abortion. There's a difference!

Sincerely,
The Pro-Abortion Lobby

A Woman Driver: The End of Men

Danica Patrick is an up-and-coming Indy car racing star in the Indy Racing League. So what's the problem?

She's a woman. According to the 1950s film series that I watch constantly, "Women: The Mysterious Creature," women can't and shan't drive a motor vehicle.

If Danica Patrick continues to drive a racecar, the fate of man is in jeopardy. If Danica succeeds in driving the car, women may become inspired to do other male occupations: mechanic, doctor, astronaut, scholar, burp enthusiast, president, professor of science at Harvard, hairstylist, or even writer of this blog.

We all know that once women participate in strictly heterosexual male activities, such as driving a car or golf, with men, this society is headed for doom. Women will become men, men will lose their identity, and there will be chaos. Do you want that on your conscious Danica Patrick? Children won't have mommies and daddies. All of the tears rolling down the cheeks of the world's children will be your fault Danica Patrick.

We must keep our genders strictly defined. Men pee standing up. Women don't go to the bathroom (it's not lady-like). Men are smart. For example, Karl Rove. He called Republican voters in South Carolina in 2000, and told them that John McCain had an illegitimate black child. It wasn't true, but that was very smart (Republicans in South Carolina are racist). Mother Teresa (a woman) spent all her time with poor people, which is stupid. You'll never get to play the latest Xbox 360 games for free if you hang out with poor people. If Danica Patrick continues to race that car, Mother Teresa might (come back to life) and call Macedonian voters and tell them that President Branko Crvenkovski has an illegitimate Armenian kid, and Karl Rove... well... he'll still be a terrible person.

So Danica Patrick, for the sake of humankind, don't drive that car!

Speak English

President George Bush has finally brought the all important issue of translation into the nation's political discouse. He believes that our national anthem should only be sung in English, not spanish.

Personally I'm against translation of any kind. If you write something in a language, it should stay in that language. If we didnt translate the rest of the world's opinions of America into English, then we wouldn't know that they hate us. Then we could act in any way we wanted. I'm for another unjustified war. Let's take out Madagascar. Fuck Madagascar! I mean, look at it, just loitering off the coast of Africa like some kind of punk kid (buy something already or leave!), with its many species of animals, and unpronouncable capital.

I speak one language; English. It's not because I'm an idiot, but because it should be the only world language. My grandma spoke 4 or 5 languages, but you know what? She didn't speak English too good. She had a weird fuckin accent and I couldn't understand her half the time. She didn't write English good either. Because she was stupid.

Back to the issue of the national anthem. It must be sung in English. English is a sacred language. Which language is every bible in each of America's Hilton Hotels written in? It's English of course, which proves that English is a holy language. Francis Scott Key's poem is also sacred (at least the part that is now the national anthem). If you sing it in spanish, you lose the meaning of the song. Especially since the only Spanish I speak is "Yo quero el the Taco Bell." If the song has no meaning, it can't be holy anymore.

If we don't speak English, we won't be a unified nation. And than we won't be able to stand. And it all begins with the national anthem.




By the way, check this out: http://jdmac020.blogspot.com/

Oh, Those Powerful Jews

You know it, as do I, Jews control the world. Congressperson Jim Moran said as much, three years ago when he blamed Jewish leaders for not stopping the Iraq war, which led to its occurrence.

Jews make up roughly 2% of the United States population. As one student at Goucher College told me, "It's a powerful 2%!" Not only are the Jews responsible for all of the world's wars, but they also control the media.

There are 11 Jewish senators (out of 100) and 26 Jewish House of Representatives (out of 435), a clear majority. In addition, they hold all of the highest honors, for example Russ Feingold is probably on some committee and I know Charles Schumer is on one. The Jews have even had a vice presidential candidate and a candidate for the Democratic nomination for president (both coincidently are the same person). This power is far greater than the 42 Christian presidents (remember Grover Cleveland was the 22nd and 24th president), and all of the Christian vice presidents and most of those presidents' cabinets.

We've proven that the Jews control the government. Thus they control how the world works. But they also control how we view the world. We know that movies and television are littered with Jews. Jon Stewart claims that "Overrepresentation is different than control." This means that while a higher percentage of Jews are in Hollywood and the news media than in the overall population, they do not have power over those entities and the Jews that are Hollywood producers for example do not act in a collaborative way.

But you know what? Jon Stewart is a Jew, there's one right there. Perhaps Bill O'Reilly, Joe Scarborough, Chris Mathews, Brian Williams etc. are all not Jewish, but I'm sure there are some Jewish writers at the New York Times or something, so obviously there is a huge Jewish media conspiracy. Look at Al Frankin, he's in Olmert's pocket.

Now let's look at all the Jewish nations allied with one another. The state of Israel is allied with Izzy's Deli in Brooklyn and the law firm of Goldberg and Leftkowitz. What Christian nations have that kind of alliance? Exactly.

So as we can see, there is clearly a Jewish conspiracy to not only have jobs in media and politics, but also act in a conspiratorial way. The Christians in their mega churches linked on the various Justice Sundays for the sole reason of dictating who will represent the laws in this country beware, the Jews are coming. White Christian males should particularly watch out.

I Hate Immigrants

That hatred started with my Grandma and Grandpa. Yes, they were dirty, filthy, foreign, immigrants.

Oh sure, it's easy to laud them for escaping from the Nazis and surviving the Holocaust, but it takes real balls to expose them for what they truly were: thieves. They stole jobs from good hardworking Americans. If it were up to me, I'd send them back to Polandistan, or wherever the fuck they came from. I don't really know, I don't concern myself with things that are unAmerican (such as places that aren't America).

This same American spirit can now be directed at the Mexicans. They will never be real Americans, because they speak some crazy language, Mexicanese I think. Their ancestors will never be able to become citizens because their culture is different. There is no room for different languages or cultures in America. We speak one language and have one culture: American!

Liberals argue, "If we don't have immigrants who will do our shit jobs?" I'll tell you who won't, my grandparents- those greenhorns are dead. Hahahaha (they had an extra pair of horns being as they were Jewish). First of all, there should be a comma in between "immigrants" and "who" you grammatically inept bastards. Second off, it sounds an awful lot like liberals are nostalgic for slavery. Obviously that's ludicrous, immigrants don't deserve to be at the level of slaves, they're immigrants for Christ's sake (here I'm referring to Christ's gay-hating, the Jews-are-going-to-Hell, and whites are superior, side, and not that treating people equal, world peace, and love thy enemy, bullshit).

People claim that America has historically been a country of immigrants. I say that America has historically been a country of immigrant-haters. You may ask, "What if there are no immigrants? Then we won't have anyone to hate and America will stray from its past." Never fear, there are still gays, Jews, and blacks to hate. Believe me, they are real problems. They are creeping up and taking over our lives and our families. It is so bad that my immediate family is now one hundred percent Jewish. We're losing the battle my fellow Americans. We must defeat the immigrants so that we can turn our attention to the real problems this nation is facing: Ellen DeGeneres, Jon Stewart, and Dave Chappelle.

I'm American, Bitch 3

Tonight on I'm American, Bitch David explains logically how people that criticize the Iraq war are defeatists, who clearly do not understand economics. He tries to somehow tie the war back to gays, women, and black people, but it's hard when there are just so many people keeping the white man down.


The Iraq War, or as I call it, the American War is kind of an important issue my sources say. To me, the war has been a resounding success, with not one mistake made. But I understand that not everyone agrees with this position. I'm a compassionate person like that. However, there is a way to critique the Bush administration appropriately and then there's a wrong way.

For example, saying that George Bush is even smarter than he thinks is constructive criticism.

However, claiming that the US doesn't have enough troops over in Iraq to fight the insurgents, or we should bring home our troops to save their lives, or there were no weapons of mass destruction in the first place and thus this war was unjustified and a total failure, is defeatist. It's not constructive. Some may say, but it's true isn't it? The truth is not always constructive, just ask Robert Blake.

Critics might say that this war made no political sense in addition to its immoral premise. Well, I say that they are defeatists. Bush knew that starting a corrupt war in Iraq would flush those crafty al-Quedans out and bring them to Iraq. Then, as evidence by how well prepared the US military was for the insurgents, we were to annihilate al-Queda! If you don't believe that this was the true reason for the war, then you're a defeatist. If you believe that repetition does not make something true, then you're also a defeatist.

I am so sick and tired of these hippie commie defeatist liberals who don't know anything about the world. They just think that killing people is wrong and shit like that. So defeatist. This is the real world. If we don't kill Iraqis, who will? You have to understand the market forces that make killing Iraqis a hell of a hoot! Murder is ok as long as it makes sense financially. See, I'm a logical man. I'm not overcome by emotion like those liberal defeatists.

These defeatists include former counterterrorism czar (commie) Richard Clarke, ambassador Joe Wilson, congressperson John Murtha, and many others who want to surrender to brownish people! I say let's stay the course. How can funeral companies and weapons corporations make more money if there's no war? And then that money trickles down to the rest of us. With all the dead soldiers, there'd be less competition for jobs and hot sexy broads.

It's time for all of us to stop being defeatist, understand market economies, and kill a lot of people who don't look the same as us, or do look the same as us, depending on what you look like. I'm looking at you Hispanics.

God Bless America and fuck everyone else. Oh, and fuck a lot of people in America too. Thanks God.

I'm American, Bitch 2

Tonight on I'm American, Bitch, David continues his staunch advocacy of the pro-abortion lobby.

To compliment my argument, please check out
http://harazquack.blogspot.com/2005/07/pro-abortion-lobby.html

Let me begin by saying that I love my country, in this case, America. More than I love ponies, breathing, sex, reason, logic, and the new internet payment system "paypal."

Many people have questioned the abortion belief of the new Supreme Court nominees. What I can assure you is that the Court is in danger of continuing to have ZERO pro-abortion justices. Some are pro-choice, others pro-life, but ALL advocate continuing the existence of the human race!

The closest the pro-abortion lobby has come to having a Supreme Court Justice was Robert Bork, nominated by Reagan. If William Bennett ever wants to get into law and out of gambling, he has a home in the pro-abortion lobby.

The only problem with William Bennett is his racism. I mean, we are back-shit crazy, but we're not racist! We don't stand for that! We don't want to simply suggest (already language too weak for us) that aborting all black babies would lower crime (abort all fetuses, see what happens to crime!), we want to abort all fetuses. It is society that is fucked up, not any particular race, and thus all fetuses should be aborted, in order to eradicate society.

But race is not the pro-abortion's primary concern. In fact, it is not a concern at all. If all fetuses are aborted, then there won't be races! See, it makes sense.

Plus, we have a problem with Mr. Bennett's use of the term "aborting babies." We want to abort fetuses first and foremost. We promise to only abort babies if they slip through the cracks and are not aborted when they are fetuses. Aborting babies willy-nilly is for Hitler and Robert Bork, not the sane and rational pro-abortion lobby.

Speaking of insane and irrational, what is it with women wanting control over their own bodies? We do support not putting women on the Supreme Court, because they might insTITute some "dirty legal tricks" such as claiming precedent to save choice, or enacting some kind of privacy argument to curtail the pro-abortion lobby. That is the one area that the pro-abortion lobby and the pro-life lobby (or as I call them, the anti-death lobby [except for the death penalty and wars, hypocrites]) can agree upon. Women don't deserve "rights".

So to sum up:

Robert Bork:
Good- pro-abortion and hates women.
Bad- didn't make the Supreme Court to further the cause.

William Bennett:
Good- likes aborting things, people.
Bad- a bit too racist, into gambling instead of law.

pro-lifers:
Good- hate women, like some kinds of death.
Bad- hate abortion, even when done irresponsibly.

pro-choicers:
Good- occasionally dabble in abortion.
Bad- the true enemy, give abortion a bad name, respect women.

God Bless America and support your pro-abortion Supreme Court nominees!

I'm American, Bitch

Tonight, on I'm American, Bitch David argues that despite recent and less recent "obstacles to democracy," the war in Iraq was a great idea.

First let me begin by saying that I love my country, America. I am not part of the blame America first crowd. I believe that if you voice an opinion different from the president (unless it is more conservative) you are a traitor and a terrorist. That may sound like a harsh accusation, especially if you are a tree-hugging lesbian. News flash: trees have penises. In fact they are large thick dicks themselves. Ok, now I'm feeling self-conscious.

I don't even know why I need to say this but this war had nothing to do with WMDs, except for the fact that we are in Iraq because Saddam Hussein has them (still). If he didn't have them, why would he not comply with the UN and his mortal enemy the USA? What's that you Saddam-loving lesbo... silence? Exactly.

Democracy is also an essential reason for this great and glorious war. Freedom is on the march. In the words of Dr. King, if you want freedom you have to kill a whole lot of Iraqis. Not a direct quote. Without democracy, different opinions would be stifled. The country would slowly grow into a totalitarian state. Then wars would begin on false pretenses and those who opposed such a war would be labeled as traitors and terrorists. I will not allow that to happen in Iraq!!!! Will you, nancy-boy?

I know what the critics are saying, "What about all the death caused by war?" First of all, quit crying you economic girlie-man. 'Look at me, boo hoo hoo, I'm throwing myself a pity party.' Shut-up bitch. Now I am just as concerned as anyone about the death of Americans. When real people die, it's sad. I'm mean I'm not going to cry about it like a homo. But they died for freedom, they are heroes. Wait, Dan Quayle, "e" or no "e"?

Ok, I'm going to wrap this up by saying that Iraqis are not as good as Americans. They have a different DNA, ask Senator Dr. Bill Frist. Plus, they look different from us, ask Rev. Pat Robertson (Dr. King, also a Dr. and a Rev. Your point is falling on its face, isn't it you liberal commie pig). Well, Iraqis look like Hispanics, even have the same mustaches, but still, they're terrorists. All of them. Do you think Saddam Hussein is a terrorist? See, then all of them are. So the bottom line, the war in Iraq was a smart thing and I don't see what the problem is. Oh yeah, I'm not racist. What else? I have Iraqi friends... maybe? They might be Hispanic though. Ok, it was a guy I saw once walking down the street. I said, "hola." It counts.

God Bless America

The real reason for terrorism...




Gays.




Vote Republican, stop the gay terrorist agenda.

Homeless People Stink

There I was, trapped on the D.C. metro. Held hostage. Smacked in the nose, I could hardly breathe. I was gagging, tears streaming down my face. No one was helping me. I had been beaten badly by a homeless man's stench.

Perhaps, you have been attacked in a similar fashion, perhaps not. The bottom line is that you could be next. The smell of homeless men can strike at any time. You might be concealed in a mass transit system such as myself when it strikes, or on an elevator, or in a dark alley. You never know.

The only way we can stop these olfactory terrorists is with radical measures. We need to eradicate these urine-soaked street dwellers. They must cease to exist. For the good of American nostrils, the foot odor (a combination of year-old milk, three types of rotten fungi, and SARS) of these unkempt putrid specimens must become a historical anecdote.

So how do we rid ourselves of an army of men with chunks of shit pasted to their anuses? We must stop at nothing to accomplish this feat. It will take a social welfare system the likes of which this country has never seen. A place where a man can bathe to relieve himself of over two decades of pigeon shit from his hair and jacket. We need to create avenues that grant employment opportunities for someone who eats the rats that Taco Bell rejects. We need a system that is not paternalistic, but instead opportunistic, taking advantage of the potential of someone who reads condom wrappers and seven-month-old People magazines found in the trash for enjoyment.

I know these proposals sound radical. But we all need to make sacrifices, even ideological ones, to protect the noses of our children and our children's children. I know I want to give my grandchildren a world where they are free from the fear of being trapped on the metro with a homeless dude who smells as if he rubbed his body in horse shit and shampooed with sulfur. Do you? Our only option is to provide a chance for these men to find employment and ultimately a place to sleep in a bed, a place to relax, and most importantly a place to take a fucking shower and stop smelling like shit!

The Karl Rove Thing

All I've been thinking about throughout this whole Karl Rove/CIA saga is that Joe Wilson is a big prick. I mean first this guy uncovers the fact that the intelligence President Bush was basing the Iraq war on was false and then he had the nerve to go and tell people about it! Jerk.

Have we gotten to the point where a president can't tell a huge lie that will result in many people dying and get away with it? Well, if we have, I don't want to be a part of that world. I'm moving to Zimbabwe, where the presidential lying is still robust and unchallenged.

But that's not what this story is all about. Karl Rove uncovered the identity of Valerie Plame, the wife of Joe Wilson, as an undercover CIA agent and had the courage to tell the press about it. The controversy is that Mr. Rove had to saunter over the limits of the law. However, many great men have had to engage in illegal activity in order to enrich the souls of the masses. Martin Luther King did so, enabling blacks to exert their civil rights. Others have done so as well, including Gandhi, Jesus, and Jeffrey Dahmer. Mr. Rove joins these great men.

It takes a brave man to expose a CIA agent, ruining her career, endangering her life, and risking those of her contacts, simply for political revenge. Some may say that its like killing a fly with a sledgehammer, after the fly just pulled your grandmother out of a lake, saving her life. Mr. Rove has never been a slave to public opinion or their so-called morals. The public is filled with idiots anyway.

Of course, being the President's top aid, Rove has access to information that he probably shouldn't. With that, he double-super-secretly told three reports that this bad man Wilson has a CIA wife, "why isn't she in the kitchen?" Of the three, only the gallant Robert D. Novak had the balls to publicize the information. Judith Miller of the New York Times now finds herself in prison and Matthew Cooper, bald-head fat-ass and all, relinquished his source and evaded jail. What will happen to the great Robert Douchebag Novak, you ask? He's invited to the White House this coming Monday, where he'll get to stay in the Lincoln bedroom and have relations with three attractive chix with dix. Lucky man.

Joe Wilson, the man who ruined the illusion of a noble war, the husband of someone whose job forced her to be 'sneaky' (who wears the pants in that family anyway?), and who got a free trip to that vacation spot extraordinaire Niger, actually has the audacity to criticize Karl Rove? What did Wilson do that was illegal? Nothing. No courage. But Mr. Rove released the identity of an active undercover CIA agent. That takes testicles, big spherical red ones! Then he had the guts to lie about sharing the information. Bravo Mr. Rove, bravo! Lying about uncovering a CIA agent as payback for her husband uncovering Mr. Rove's boss's lie, truly genius.

I wonder which presidentially-distributed medal Karl Rove will receive.

I hope it's the Medal of Manliness.

The Pro-Abortion Lobby

We may seem hard to find, but I am part of the pro-abortion lobby. Being pro-abortion, I feel that all fetuses should be aborted. It does not matter if the mother wants to have a baby, have an abortion, even in cases of rape or the ever-popular incest.

Many people claim that abortion is wrong, but I'm here to say that it's oh so right. The pro-abortion lobby hopes that, through universal abortions, crime will be eradicated, taxes will cease to be necessary, and some young punk will never take your job! I think you like those propositions. Here's more guarantees, with our pro-abortion agenda, you will get laid more because there will be less men to compete with. You don't follow that logic? Uh, some people think cucumbers taste better pickled.

The true obstacle of the pro-abortion lobby is not those abortion-hating pro-lifers, but those intelligent and dare I say, suave, pro-choicers. Sure, they feel that abortion should be legal, but only when carried out responsibly. They believe that the woman should have a right to her body. What poppycock! Why should women be given the right to privacy when it regards her body? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! She should go back into the kitchen and make me a sandwich! Which reminds me, fuck the ERA!

Those pro-choice people give abortion a bad name. They talk about abortion like it's a serious decision. They say, what if it is an unwanted pregnancy. I say, isn't that all of them. I mean, who wants to sit behind a baby on an airplane as it cries for the entire flight. I'd rather have sex with John Hagee. I'd grease up his curvaceous breasts with olive oil and rub my long abortion-loving nose in circles against his nipples. Then I smother my hairless balls in peanut butter and his one ball in jelly and then we'd PB & J that shit all night long.

Getting back to abortion, pro-lifers have said that all we want to do is kill babies and ruin the lives of women. That is so unfair. I only want to kill babies if they happen to slip through the cracks and are not aborted when they are a fetus. As far as ruining women's lives, yes, but not through abortion.

Finally, I am sick and tired of pro-lifers equating pro-choice advocates with us morally upstanding pro-abortion promoters. Those people actually like babies, and believe in justice for women. Can you believe that shit?! They are such fakers. To be pro-abortion, you have to go all out. There's no time for logic, reasoning, or decision-making. The only way to make this country great is to kill all its fetuses. God Bless America and vote for your pro-abortion presidential candidate in 2008.