Jewish Children's Book Series #6

Mamala, Why Does the Teacher Whisper when She Says "Jew"?
A HarazQuack Publication

"Because, Shlomo," said Mamala, "She probably thinks being Jewish is a disease."
"But it's not a disease Mamala!"
"You know that and I know that, but there a lot of people who don't know any better. They think being Jewish is something to be ashamed of."
"Why do they think that, Mamala?"
"Because they are so insecure that there is no room for others in their world. Tell me Shlomo, is your teacher a Christian fanatic?"
"Yes, I think she is."
"Well, either her Christian fanaticism is influencing her thoughts on Jews or she's not getting any cannoli at home."
"Mamala, what's cannoli."
"Never mind, Shlomo. Go to sleep, my precious child."

Jewish Children's Book Series #5

Mommy, Why Are the Gentiles So Angry?
A HarazQuack Publication

"Mamala."
"Yes, Shlomo?" Mamala replied, a little harried.
"If night falls, why does day break?"
"That sounds like something the gentiles made up. They like to blame others for their own failures," retorts Mamala while she's frantically sorting the mail.
"Mamala, why are the gentiles always are yelling? I saw it on television. One even yelled at the president (may he have a long life)!"
"The gentiles are angry, Shlomo."
"What for are the gentiles so angry?"
"They're always angry, Shlomo. They were angry when I was little. They were angry when Bubbe was little. They were angry when her bubbe was little. Old men. White men. They're always angry," argued Mamala as she ran for napkins to clean up my freshly-spilled juice.
"Why are they so angry?"
"Because, Shlomo, they don't like change. And the world is always changing. So they're always angry."
"That's stupid of them!"
"Yes it is, Shlomo. But, shh, don't tell anyone."
"I won't Mamala. Good night."
Bending down to give a kiss, Mamala offered a, "Good night, Shlomo."

Jewish Children's Books Series #4

Mommy, Why Did the Man Take a Picture of Me while I was Driving Wearing a Yarmulke?
A HarazQuack Publication

"Because, Shlomo," said Mamala, "some people are bigoted assholes."
"Really?"
"Yes. They treat others like animals. With no empathy or regard for how they might feel."
"These are bad people."
"No, Shlomo. They just don't know any better. They haven't met people who are different from themselves, so they don't know how to deal with others. They are either not able, or simply don't, put themselves in the position that they are putting others in. They lack empathy."
"I'd like to take pictures of the Gentiles and then put it in a newspaper. Then I would write a demeaning caption underneath the picture."
Mamala scowled. "What good would that do? Just because someone dehumanizes you, you shouldn't dehumanize them. Just don't allow them to dehumanize you. Wear your yarmulke proud. And tell those bigots to go fuck themselves."
"Ok, Mamala. I will."
"Good night Shlomo."

Jewish Children's Books Series #3

Mommy, Why are the Kids at School Throwing Pennies at Me?
A HarazQuack Publication

"Because, Shlomo," said Mamala, "wait, who's throwing pennies at you? I'm going to call their mothers."
"No, please don't. I just want to know why they're doing that."
Mamala shoots a frustrated smirk, "Because those kids are ignorant."
"Ignorant?"
"Yes, Shlomo. They don't know any better."
"But Mamala, why are they throwing pennies at me?"
"Because, Shlomo, there is a stereotype that Jews are cheap."
"A stereotype?"
"Yes, Shlomo. A stereotype is when people think you're a certain way because you belong to a group. For example, people think you're cheap because you're Jewish."
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"Well, I'm not sure how to explain it any different, Shlomo."
"No. I mean if people think I'm cheap just because I'm Jewish. That doesn't make any sense!"
"You're right, Shlomo. It doesn't."
"Then why do people think like that?"
"Because they're ignorant idiots."
"That makes sense. Can I go play now?"
"Sure, Shlomo."

Jewish Children's Books Series #2

Mommy, Why Did the Teacher Threaten to Fail Me if I Didn't Come to Class on Yom Kippur to Take the Test?
A HarazQuack Publication

"Because, Shlomo," said Mamala, "your teacher's an anti-Semite."
"What's an anti-Semite?"
"It's someone who hates Jews or doesn't know about us," according to Mamala.
"Oh, that makes sense because the teacher was very rude to me when I told her that I wouldn't be coming to class for the test because it was Yom Kippur. The school said she wasn't even supposed to give a test on Yom Kippur because it's not fair. And I asked her if she had many Jewish students before and she said, 'No'."
"Well Shlomo, I'm glad you spoke up. There are lots of people like your teacher. You have to be patient with them but firm."
"When I grow up, I'm going to be a teacher and give a test on Christmas and fail all of the gentile kids who don't come to class!"
"No, Shlomo!" Mamala scolded. "You have to be better than them."
"Ok, Mamala. I'm sorry."

Jewish Children's Books Series

Mommy, Why Aren't There Swastikas on the Other Houses?
A HarazQuack Publication

"Because, Shlomo," said Mamala, "we're different."
"Good different or bad different?"
Mamala sighed, "Depends who you ask? If you ask those schmucks who spray painted swastikas on our house, they would say bad."
"I won't ask them then."
Mamala looked up and chuckled. She looked back down and said, "You don't have much of a choice, Shlomo. Those people are cowards."
"What's a coward, Mamala?"
"It's someone who won't tell you how they feel about you to your face, Shlomo."
"If I see those guys, I'll tell them I don't like them, because I'm not a coward."
Mamala laughed, "Ok, boychik. Not now though. Now, it's time for bed."
"And I would tell them that we're good different. Not bad different."
Then Mamala bent down and gave a kiss. "Good night, Shlomo."
"Good night, Mamala."