The Eric Massa Scandal Has Affected Me

This Eric Massa thing has really been bothering me. I'm sick over it. If tickling is considered groping, then I am a bad man. I'm thinking about the babies that I've evidently sexually assaulted. I'm thinking about the friends I unexpectedly "jolted" in college. I thought it was just silly fun, but apparently it was sexual harassment.

It's been quite a shock. Last week I was a playful guy who was good with babies. Now I'm a sex offender and a pedophile. And it's all thanks to Eric Massa. Damn you, Massa!

The Beckian Post

This post very well might change the course of our country as we know it. After reading this, it is quite possible- likely even- that you will view life differently.

Now, I don't know what's coming in this post. How can any of us truly know what is to come? It could be zany or bizarre. Or, it might just be the truth. The truth. Isn't that a novel concept? But will it be the truth? We'll have to find out. Like I said, I don't know what's coming in this post. I just know that it could shake the foundation of our nation forever.

Our country is in a desperate plight. The economy is in shambles. Government is abusing its power. The continued existence of our country is a precarious concept at this point. Perhaps this post just might change things. We'll get the real change we've been clamoring for. Not the pre-packaged change that has been forced down our throats for the last two years.

It appears that the country hasn't changed within the course of this post. I'm as shocked as any. America, I’m going to shoot straight with you; I think I've wasted your time. I'm sorry.

What Eric Massa Should've Said to Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck: You've been looking me in the eye the whole time you've been talking to me. That requires, if you're lying, that requires a soulless person; do you believe in G-d?

Eric Massa: Wait, did you just insinuate you were G-d? 'Cuz I'm pretty sure that's what you just did.

Dirk Nowitzki

For a star player, who has been one for nearly a decade, Dirk Nowitzki is fairly maligned. At the end of the '08 season, I had him as the 8th best player in the league. At the end of last season, I rated him as the 9th best. Now, I have him as the 7th best in the NBA. Few people would argue with my general placement of Dirk compared to the rest of the league's elite.

But Dirk is typically seen as a soft player. He is often derided for making the wrong judgment, usually when it comes to physically standing up to an opposing player. The reality is that Nowitzki has a European-style game. He doesn’t come with the same sense of bravado. He also isn't accustomed to using his height to punish players in the post.

This flaw resulted in the lowest point of his career. Coming off of an MVP season and with his team finishing with the best record in the league, the Mavs lost in the first round of the 2007 playoffs. The Golden State Warriors, the 8th seed, were a run-and-gun club filled with wing players. All Dirk needed to do was go into the post and score at will. For whatever reason, it didn't happen and the Mavs were victimized by the greatest upset in NBA playoff history.

In recent years, Dirk has developed a game closer to the basket. Some of that is shown by the fact that he shoots far fewer three point shots compared to the early part of his career. That takes us to one odd compliment Nowitzki always receives. He's credited with being a marvel, a big guy who can shoot. My response is, so what? If anything, you want the other team's 7-footer to shoot from deep, if only because that will keep him away from the basket, which is a far more efficient shot.

Despite his relative reluctance to take the ball in the post when his team needs it, Nowitzki is a wonderful player. He’s averaged over 25 points per game 4 out of the last 6 seasons. He was pretty close in the other two seasons too (averaging 24.6 in his MVP season). During that stretch, he has been the best player on a playoff team.

A German guy once argued to me that Dirk was a better team player than (you Americans, like) LeBron or Kobe, in a bid to impress his Danish girlfriend (trying to show that he can talk about basketball with an American). The look of unbridled shock on my face seemed to shame him. But that's not Dirk's job. He's a scorer. At times, crucial playoff games included, he has been unstoppable. He possesses a dizzying myriad of ways to score the ball.

I once got into a vicious argument with a friend who contended that Dirk was a good defensive player and not the horrific defender that I thought he was. His argument went that Dirk averaged 1.5 blocks a game that past season (which turned out to be his career high) and 10 boards a game (something he's actually never done). Forget that blocks are not much of an indication of good defense, my friend later admitted 1.5 for a 7-footer isn't a whole lot. Dirk averages a decent 8.5 rebounds per game for his career, but how that relates to his ability to defend still baffles me.

But that isn't Dirk's game either. His best defense is making shots on the other end. It’s a skill he's perfected. Dirk is a go-to player when it counts, in the playoffs, where he averages 25.5 ppg (more than his 22.9 regular season mark). And for that, he is a perennial top 10 player in the NBA.

Pacquiao-Clottey Prediction

It's no secret that I like Joshua Clottey. My fear for the fight is that he simply won't be busy enough. It's conceivable that Clottey won't be hurt once, will face no danger, will deflect all of pound-for-pound king Manny Pacquiao's best punches, hit Pac Man with some memorable shots, and still lose every round.

Judges don't like Clottey's methodical style. He is one of the best defensive fighters in the game. Even if you manage to penetrate his guard, his chin is rock solid. Only one flash knockdown in the first round against Miguel Cotto has sent him to the canvass during his career. The punches that he manages to launch often find their target with authority. He just doesn't throw enough.

Besides his unpopular- however effective- style, Clottey has another disadvantage. He's facing disarray in his corner. He recently parted with his longtime trainer. His preferred replacement is stuck in Ghana due to visa issues. Meanwhile, Pacquiao has the best in the game on his side.

If Pacquiao stops Clottey, I'll be shocked. Margarito couldn't hurt him. Neither could Cotto, Judah, nor Corrales. It would be Pacquiao's best performance to date, if he gets the stoppage. More likely is a knockout the other way. If Clottey can place his punches effectively, especially to the body, he can negate Pacquiao's onslaught. In that case, the smaller, slowed-down, Pacquiao would be open season. But Clottey would have to throw punches to finish the deal.

Whatever happens, I have respect for Pacquiao for fighting a dangerous guy without much name recognition. I'm happy Clottey is getting a chance to show himself on a big stage. I wish both guys well.

Road Rage

Merging off of 495 onto 95 North, I saw an opening in the far right access lane. My lane had slowed. I noticed a car creeping up to the right, but figured I had plenty of time to move over, so I put my turn signal on.

Once I entered the lane, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw a hand waving, as if claiming I cut off the driver it belonged to. I thought I had had plenty of space to make the lane change andit was a case of this person speeding up on me. In Maryland, if you put on your turn signal, it's like flaunting a red towel in front of a bull, people will speed up on you. So, I waved my hand back.

I also put my right turn signal on. Of course, at this point, going right meant off to the side of the road. My intention was to show that I had my signal on and this driver sped up on me. I realized afterwards, it could have been a sign to pull over and start a confrontation.

In any event, this driver was tailgating me and, for some reason, people go really slowly when exiting onto 95 North, so there wasn't anywhere for me to go. I found an opening back in the left lane and this person followed me. Before hitting the road work for the new ICC (I thought we voted against everyone who supported it!), everyone slows down. So I slowed down, which infuriated this tailgater. The person sped up right next to me on the left (and off the road). I greeted the tinted windows of the white car (including painted flames!) with the old middle finger salute.

For the next ten miles, the white car stayed within distance of me. I drove normally, not running, but kept my eye on this vehicle. At one point, I got caught in a slow-moving left lane and the white car pulled up next to me on the right. Inside, with the window rolled down, was a large ugly bald white man. He held a sneer for me (unless it was just a case of bell's palsy) and shook his head pathetically at me.

I stared back, never releasing my gaze. He was the first to flinch, looking forward as he passed me. He then looked back, startled to see me still stoicly eying him. As he passed, he disgustedly threw down a piece of garbage, which I believe was intended on being a protest at my actions, but instead looked like a bit of passive aggressiveness. My experience has been that big guys, who look mean and ugly, don't like to be stood up to.

After any encounter like that, I always evaluate my actions. There are things I did to ignite the situation further. Ultimately, I don't think Gandhi would be very pleased with my response. Sorry G.

RIP Hank

Hank Gathers, a high school basketball star from Philadelphia who went on to college fame at Loyola Marymount University, died 20 years ago day. Every anniversary, Hank Gathers's death teaches another lesson. Two decades on, it teaches us the unstoppable flow of time. Whether we're ready or not, life goes on.

I remember quite vividly, as an 8-year old boy, recently introduced to the concept of death, trying to grapple with its finality, watching SportsCenter and hearing of the death of Hank Gathers. I can see the pictures of that night now. I can feel the spontaneous tears rolling down my cheeks. It reinforced the reality that a boy's heroes can die, whether it's a father or a basketball star.

Growing Up

When I was little, I always dreamed of staying up late, eating candy, and going to ball games whenever I pleased. Set your goals low and you will always be happy.

I remember the exact point I became an adult and it had nothing to do with achieving the above dreams. I was looking for the reaction to Obama's first speech to a joint session of Congress last year. The media reported that Congress members were using Twitter throughout his speech. My first thought was, "What's Twitter?"

A Moment of Reflection

In the wake of a constant string of inevitable tragedies, the challenge is always to find a balance between becoming so consumed with grief as to cease to function and becoming so numb as to lack the ability to empathize.

Bless those affected in Chile, Haiti, or wherever people are suffering.

ELL, Season 7, Week 4

AmIAnnoying.com, a site that almost makes less sense than the Evil Leaders League, has a collection featuring the Evil Leaders League's competitors. So far, 7 of our evil leaders, from past and present seasons, have an annoying rating of 100%, with Season 5's Ayatollah Khamenei garnering the most votes from this group this year. Felipe Calderon, from Season 4, is the only participant with an under 50% annoying rating. But what about his plot to invade America with a squadron of illegal immigrants and talking chihuahuas? Anyway, let's get to the results.

Shwe vs al-Bashir
Aung San Suu Kyi , one of the numerous political prisoners in Than Shwe's Myanmar, lost her latest appeal to end over a decade under house arrest. Lucky for her, she has X-Box 360 and a killer sound system in her house. Unlucky for the rest of the country, she's still not free to lead them. But lucky for Shwe as it bolsters his evilness cred. He's keeping it real.

A peace deal between Omar al-Bashir's Sudanese government and the rebels of Darfur has actually been met with an increase in fighting. It was probably a bad sign that the paper the peace agreement was printed on used to be the skin of a former Darfur resident. That should've been the rebel's first clue things wouldn't work out.

You know what's more annoying that any of our evil leaders? Not knowing the results of this week's action. Check it out at the Evil Leaders League site.

Ahmadinejad vs Kim
In a bid to be Barry Sanders to Israel's Harlon Barnett, Iran is reportedly trying to avoid a hit by hiding their nukes in a mountain, which is a good reason to boycott the 2018 Winter Olympics in Tehran. Well, at least the skiers should. Very crafty by Iranian leader, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who is short, hirsute, and likes to make Holocaust jokes. Are we sure he isn't a Jew?

Celebrating Kim Jong-Il's 68th birthday, North Korean officials regarded him as "peerlessly brilliant because we've never heard of Albert Einstein. Not even Amartya Sen." But before you scoff so loudly someone in the room asks, "What?" consider this: Kim is an international pariah, has spent his entire reign starving his people, and may have died 5 years ago; yet, he's still in power! Pretty genius if you think about.

Berlusconi vs Karzai
The womanizing xenophobic Prime Minister of Italy is Silvio Berlusconi. Berlusconi is facing 2 corruption charges, inducing him to describe the Italian legal system as run by a band of Taliban (or a "Taliband" if you will and hope that you won't). After renting a DVD of the Sopranos and watching episodes of the Jersey Shore online, the Taliban said they were offended to be associated with anything Italian.

The opponents of Afghan leader Hamid Karzai note that the country's justice system is in shambles. They describe the legal system as run by a band of Italians. Karzai admitted that he's an election-stealing, corrupt, incompetent leader, but claimed that was going too far. The opposition quickly apologized.

Morales vs Obiang
Bolivia's President Evo Morales is an inspiration to indigenous people, has worked to empower women in his country, and has acted to alleviate poverty. But he doesn't have to be so fucking arrogant about it.

Captain Bienvenido Esono Engoga, a high-level security officer, has been fired and arrested for attempting to kill Equatorial Guinean dictator, Teodoro Obiang. Obiang has ruled Equatorial Guinea for 30 years and recently won another 7-year term with 95.73% of the vote. I guess we know at least one of the 4.27% who didn't vote him. Captain Engoga said he never really meant to kill the ruthless totalitarian; he was just being sarcastic.

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